The Delights of Wisdom Pertaining to Conjugial Love · Chapter 22Preliminary Relations Respecting the Joys of Heaven and Nuptials There. (21)
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242. VII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, THAT ONE OF THE PARTIES IS OF ONE RELIGION AND THE OTHER OF ANOTHER. The reason of this is, because with such persons good cannot be conjoined with its corresponding truth; for as was shewn above, the wife is the good of the husband's truth, and he is the truth of the wife's good. Hence of two souls there cannot be made one soul; and hence the stream of that love is closed: and consequently a conjugial principle is entered upon, which has a lower place of abode, and which is that of good with another truth, or of truth with another good than its own, between which there cannot be any harmonious love: hence with the married partner that is in a false religion, there commences a cold, which grows more intense in proportion as he differs from the other party. On a certain time, as I was wandering through the streets of a great city inquiring for a lodging, I entered a house inhabited by married partners of a different religion; being ignorant of this circumstance, the angels instantly accosted me, and said, "We cannot remain with you in that house; for the married partners who dwell there differ in religion." This they perceived from the internal disunion of their souls.
243. VIII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, THE FALSITY OF THE RELIGION. This is, because falsity in spiritual things either takes away religion or defiles it. It takes it from those with whom genuine truths are falsified; it defiles it, where there are indeed falsities, but not genuine truths, which therefore could not be falsified. In the latter case there may be imputed goods with which those falses may be conjoined by applications from the Lord; for these falses are like various discordant tones, which by artful arrangements and combinations are brought into harmony, and communicate to harmony its agreeableness: in this case some conjugial love is communicable; but with those who have falsified with themselves the genuine truths of the church, it is not communicable. The prevailing ignorance concerning love truly conjugial, or a negative doubting respecting the possibility of the existence of such love, is from persons of the latter description; and from the same source also comes the wild imagination, in the minds of the generality, that adulteries are not evils in a religious point of view.
244. IX. WITH MANY, THE ABOVE-MENTIONED ARE CAUSES OF INTERNAL COLD, BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME OF EXTERNAL. If the causes above pointed out and confirmed, which are the causes of internal cold, produced similar external cold, as many separations would ensue as there are cases of internal cold, which are as many as there are marriages of those who are in a false or a different religion, or in no religion; respecting whom we have already treated; and yet it is well-known, that many such live together as if they mutually loved and were friendly to each other: but whence this originates, with those who are in internal cold, will be shewn in the following chapter CONCERNING THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES. There are several causes which conjoin minds (animos) but still do not conjoin souls; among these are some of those mentioned above, n. 183; but still cold lies interiorly concealed, and makes itself continually observed and felt. With such married partners the affections depart from each other; but the thoughts, while they come forth into speech and behaviour, for the sake of apparent friendship and favor, are present; therefore such persons know nothing of the pleasantness and delight, and still less of the satisfaction and blessedness of love truly conjugial, accounting them to be little else than fables. These are of the number of those who deduce the origin of conjugial love from the same causes with the nine companies of wise ones assembled from the several kingdoms of Europe; concerning whom see the MEMORABLE RELATION above, n. 103-114.
245. It may be urged as an objection to what has been proved above, that still the soul is propagated from the father although it is not conjoined to the soul of the mother, yea, although cold residing therein causes separation; but the reason why souls or offspring are nevertheless propagated is, because the understanding of the man is not closed, but is capable of being elevated into the light into which the soul is; but the love of his will is not elevated into the heat corresponding to the light there, except by the life, which makes him from natural become spiritual; hence it is, that the soul is still procreated, but, in the descent, while it becomes seed, it is veiled over by such things as belong to his natural love; from this springs hereditary evil. To these considerations I will add an arcanum from heaven, namely, that between the disjoined souls of two persons, especially of married partners, there is effected conjunction in a middle love; otherwise there would be no conception with men (homines). Besides what is here said of conjugial cold, and its place of abode in the supreme region of the mind, see the LAST MEMORABLE RELATION of this chapter, n. 270.
246. X. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD, THE FIRST OF WHICH IS DISSIMILITUDE OF MINDS AND MANNERS. There are both internal and external similitudes and dissimilitudes. The internal arise from no other source than religion; for religion is implanted in souls, and by them is transmitted from parents to their offspring as the supreme inclination; for the soul of every man derives life from the marriage of good and truth, and from this marriage is the church; and as the church is various and different in the several parts of the world, therefore also the souls of all men are various and different; wherefore internal similitudes and dissimilitudes are from this source, and according to them the conjugial conjunctions of which we have been treating; but external similitudes and dissimilitudes are not of the souls but of minds; by minds (animos) we mean the affections and thence the external inclinations, which are principally insinuated after birth by education, social intercourse, and consequent habits of life; for it is usual to say, I have a mind to do this or that; which indicates an affection and inclination to it. Persuasions conceived respecting this or that kind of life also form those minds; hence come inclinations to enter into marriage even with such as are unsuitable, and likewise to refuse consent to marriage with such as are suitable; but still these marriages, after a certain time of living together, vary according to the similitudes and dissimilitudes contracted hereditarily and also by education; and dissimilitudes induce cold. So likewise dissimilitudes of manners; as for example, an ill-mannered man or woman, joined with a well-bred one; a neat man or woman, joined with a slovenly one; a litigious man or woman, joined with one that is peaceably disposed; in a word, an immoral man or woman, joined with a moral one. Marriages of such dissimilitudes are not unlike the conjunctions of different species of animals with each other, as of sheep and goats, of stags and mules, of turkeys and geese, of sparrows and the nobler kind of birds, yea, as of dogs and cats, which from their dissimilitudes do not consociate with each other, but in the human kind these dissimilitudes are indicated not by faces, but by habits of life; wherefore external colds are from this source.
247. XI. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE IS BELIEVED TO BE THE SAME AS ADULTEROUS LOVE, ONLY THAT THE LATTER IS NOT ALLOWED BY LAW, BUT THE FORMER IS. That this is a source of cold, is obvious to reason, while it is considered that adulterous love is diametrically opposite to conjugial love; wherefore when it is believed that conjugial love is the same as adulterous, they both become alike in idea; and in such case a wife is regarded as a harlot, and marriage as uncleanness; the man himself also is an adulterer, if not in body, still in spirit. That hence ensue contempt, disdain, and aversion, between the man and his woman, and thereby intense cold, is an unavoidable consequence; for nothing stores up in itself conjugial cold more than adulterous love; and as adulterous love also passes into such cold, it may not undeservedly be called essential conjugial cold.
248. XII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, A STRIVING FOR PRE-EMINENCE BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS. This is, because conjugial love principally respects the union of wills, and the freedom of decision thence arising; both which are ejected from the married state by a striving for pre-eminence or superiority; for this divides and tears wills into pieces, and changes the freedom of decision into servitude. During the influence of such striving, the spirit of one of the parties meditates violence against the other; if in such case their minds were laid open and viewed by spiritual sight, they would appear like two boxers engaged in combat, and regarding each other with hatred and favor alternately; with hatred while in the vehemence of striving, and with favor while in the hope of dominion, and while under the influence of lust. After one has obtained the victory over the other, this contention is withdrawn from the externals, and betakes itself into the internals of the mind, and there abides with its restlessness stored up and concealed. Hence cold ensues both to the subdued party or servant, and to the victor or dominant party. The reason why the latter also suffers cold is, because conjugial love no longer exists with them, and the privation of this love is cold; see n. 235. In the place of conjugial love succeeds heat derived from pre-eminence; but this heat is utterly discordant with conjugial heat, yet it can exteriorly resemble it by means of lust. After a tacit agreement between the parties, it appears as if conjugial love was made friendship; but the difference between conjugial and servile friendship in marriages, is like that between light and shade, between a living fire and an ignis fatuus, yea, like that between a well-conditioned man and one consisting only of bone and skin.
249. XIII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, A WANT OF DETERMINATION TO ANY EMPLOYMENT OR BUSINESS, WHENCE COMES WANDERING PASSION. Man (homo) was created for use, because use is the continent of good and truth, from the marriage of which proceeds creation, and also conjugial love, as was shewn above. By employment and business we mean every application to uses; while therefore a man is in any employment and business, or in any use, in such case his mind is limited and circumscribed as in a circle, within which it is successively arranged into a form truly human, from which as from a house he sees various concupiscences out of himself, and by sound reason within exterminates them; consequently also he exterminates the wild insanities of adulterous lust; hence it is that conjugial heat remains better and longer with such than with others. The reverse happens with those who give themselves up to sloth and ease; in such case the mind is unlimited and undetermined, and hence the man (homo) admits into the whole of it everything vain and ludicrous which flows in from the world and the body, and leads to the love thereof; that in this case conjugial love also is driven into banishment, is evident; for in consequence of sloth and ease the mind grows stupid and the body torpid, and the whole man becomes insensible to every vital love, especially to conjugial love, from which as from a fountain issue the activities and alacrities of life. Conjugial cold with such is different from what it is with others; it is indeed the privation of conjugial love, but arising from defect.
250. XIV. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FIFTH IS, INEQUALITY OF EXTERNAL RANK AND CONDITION. There are several inequalities of rank and condition, which while parties are living together put an end to the conjugial love which commenced before marriage; but they may all be referred to inequalities as to age, station, and wealth. That unequal ages induce cold in marriage, as in the case of a lad with an old woman, and of a young girl with a decrepit old man, needs no proof. That inequality of station has a similar effect, as in the marriage of a prince with a servant maid, or of an illustrious matron with a servant man, is also acknowledged without further proof. That the case is the same in regard to wealth, unless a similitude of minds and manners, and an application of one party to the inclinations and native desires of the other, consociate them, is evident. But in all such cases, the compliance of one party on account of the pre-eminence of station and condition of the other, effects only a servile and frigid conjunction; for the conjugial principle is not of the spirit and heart, but only nominal and of the countenance; in consequence of which the inferior party is given to boasting, and the superior blushes with shame. But in the heavens there is no inequality of age, station, or wealth; in regard to age, all there are in the flower of their youth, and continue so into eternity; in regard to station, they all respect others according to the uses which they perform. The more eminent in condition respect inferiors as brethren, neither do they prefer station to the excellence of use, but the excellence of use to station; also when maidens are given in marriage, they do not know from what ancestors they are descended; for no one in heaven knows his earthly father, but the Lord is the Father of all. The case is the same in regard to wealth, which in heaven is the faculty of growing wise, according to which a sufficiency of wealth is given. How marriages are there entered into, may be seen above, n. 229.
251. XV. THERE ARE ALSO CAUSES OF SEPARATION. There are separations from the bed and also from the house. There are several causes of such separations; but we are here treating of legitimate causes. As the causes of separation coincide with the causes of concubinage, which are treated of in the latter part of this work in their own chapter, the reader is referred thereto that he may see the causes in their order. The legitimate causes of separation are the following.
252. XVI. THE FIRST CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS A VITIATED STATE OF MIND. The reason of this is, because conjugial love is a conjunction of minds; if therefore the mind of one of the parties takes a direction different from that of the other, such conjunction is dissolved, and with the conjunction the love vanishes. The states of vitiation of the mind which cause separation, may appear from an enumeration of them; they are for the most part, the following: madness, frenzy, furious wildness, actual foolishness and idiocy, loss of memory, violent hysterics, extreme silliness so as to admit of no perception of good and truth, excessive stubbornness in refusing to obey what is just and equitable; excessive pleasure in talkativeness and conversing only on insignificant and trifling subjects; an unbridled desire to publish family secrets, also to quarrel, to strike, to take revenge, to do evil, to steal, to tell lies, to deceive, to blaspheme; carelessness about the children, intemperance, luxury, excessive prodigality, drunkenness, uncleanness, immodesty, application to magic and witchcraft, impiety, with several other causes. By legitimate causes we do not here mean judicial causes, but such as are legitimate in regard to the other married partner; separation from the house also is seldom ordained in a court of justice.
253. XVII. THE SECOND CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS A VITIATED STATE OF BODY. By vitiated states of body we do not mean accidental diseases, which happen to either of the married partners during their marriage, and from which they recover; but we mean inherent diseases, which are permanent. The science of pathology teaches what these are. They are manifold, such as diseases whereby the whole body is so far infected that the contagion may prove fatal; of this nature are malignant and pestilential fevers, leprosies, the venereal disease, gangrenes, cancers, and the like; also diseases whereby the whole body is so far weighed down, as to admit of no consociability, and from which exhale dangerous effluvia and noxious vapors, whether from the surface of the body, or from its inward parts, in particular from the stomach and lungs; from the surface of the body proceed malignant pocks, warts, pustules, scorbutic phthisic, virulent scab, especially if the face be defiled thereby: from the stomach proceed foul, stinking, rank and crude eructations: from the lungs, filthy and putrid exhalations, arising from imposthumes, ulcers, abcesses, or from vitiated blood or lymph therein. Besides these there are also various other diseases, as lipothamia, which is a total faintness of body and defect of strength; paralysis, which is a loosing and relaxation of the membranes and ligaments which serve for motion; certain chronic diseases, arising from a loss of the sensibility and elasticity of the nerves, or from too great a thickness; tenacity, and acrimony of the humors; epilepsy; fixed weakness arising from apoplexy; certain phthisical complaints, whereby the body is wasted; the cholic, cæliac affection, rupture, and other like diseases.
254. XVIII. THE THIRD CAUSE OF LEGITIMATE SEPARATION IS IMPOTENCE BEFORE MARRIAGE. The reason why this is a cause of separation is, because the end of marriage is the procreation of children, which cannot take place where this cause of separation operates; and as this is foreknown by the parties, they are deliberately deprived of the hope of it, which hope nevertheless nourishes and strengthens their conjugial love.
255. XIX. ADULTERY IS THE CAUSE OF DIVORCE. There are several reasons for this, which are discernible in rational light, and yet at this day they are concealed. From rational light it may be seen that marriages are holy and adulteries profane; and thus that marriages and adulteries are diametrically opposite to each other; and that when opposites act upon each other, one destroys the other even to the last spark of its life. This is the case with conjugial love, when a married person commits adultery from a confirmed principle, and thus from a deliberate purpose. With those who know anything of heaven and hell, these things are more clearly discernible by the light of reason: for they know that marriages are in and from heaven, and that adulteries are in and from hell, and that these two cannot be conjoined, as heaven cannot be conjoined with hell, and that instantly, if they are conjoined with man (homo), heaven recedes, and hell enters. Hence then it is, that adultery is the cause of divorce; wherefore the Lord saith, that "whosoever shall put away his wife, except for whoredom, and shall marry another, committeth adultery," Matt. xix. 9. He saith, if, except for whoredom, he shall put away his wife, and marry another, he committeth adultery; because putting away for this cause is a plenary separation of minds, which is called divorce; whereas other kinds of putting away, grounded in their particular causes are separations, of which we have just treated; after these, if another wife is married, adultery is committed; but not so after a divorce.
256. XX. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD; THE FIRST OF WHICH IS, THAT ENJOYMENT IS COMMON (OR CHEAP), BECAUSE CONTINUALLY ALLOWED. The reason why this consideration is an accidental cause of cold is, because it exists with those who think lasciviously respecting marriage and a wife, but not with those who think holily respecting marriage, and securely respecting a wife. That from being common (or cheap) in consequence of being continually allowed, even joys become indifferent, and also tiresome, is evident from the case of pastimes and public shows, musical entertainments, dancing, feasting, and the like, which in themselves are agreeable, because vivifying. The case is the same with the intimacy and connection between married partners, especially between those who have not removed the unchaste love of the sex from the love which they bear to each other; and when they think of enjoyment's being common (or cheap) in consequence of being continually allowed, they think vainly in the absence of the faculty of enjoyment. That this consideration is to such persons a cause of cold is self-evident. It is called accidental, because it joins inward cold as a cause, and ranks on its side as a reason. To remove the cold arising from this circumstance, it is usual with wives, from the prudence implanted in them, to offer resistance to what is allowable. But the case is altogether otherwise with those who think chastely respecting wives; wherefore with the angels the consideration of enjoyment's being common in consequence of being continually allowed, is the very delight of their souls, and contains their conjugial love; for they are continually in the delight of that love, and in its ultimates according to the presence of their minds uninterrupted by cares, thus from the decisions of the judgement of the husbands.
257. XXI. OF ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT LIVING WITH A MARRIED PARTNER, FROM A COVENANT AND CONTRACT, SEEMS FORCED AND NOT FREE. This cause operates only with those with whom conjugial love in the inmost principles is cold; and since it unites with internal cold, it becomes an additional or accidental cause. With such persons, extra-conjugial love, arising from consent and the favor thereof, is interiorly in heat; for the cold of the one is the heat of the other; which, if it is not sensibly felt, is still within, yea, in the midst of cold; and unless it was thus also within, there would be no reparation. This heat is what constitutes the force or compulsion, which is increased in proportion as, by one of the parties, the covenant grounded in agreement and the contract grounded in what is just, are regarded as bonds not to be violated; it is otherwise if those bonds are loosed by each of the parties. The case is reversed with those who have rejected extra-conjugial love as detestable, and think of conjugial love as of what is heavenly and heaven; and the more so if they perceive it to be so: with such that covenant with its articles of agreement, and that contract with its sanctions, are inscribed on their hearts, and are continually being inscribed thereon more and more. In this case the bond of that love is neither secured by a covenant agreed upon, nor by a law enacted; but both covenant and law are from creation implanted in the love itself, which influences the parties; from the latter (namely, the covenant and the law implanted from creation in the love itself) are derived the former (namely, the covenant and law) in the world, but not vice versa. Hence, whatever relates to that love is felt as free; neither is there any freedom but what is of love: and I have heard from the angels, that love truly conjugial is most free, because it is the love of loves.
258. XXII. OF ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, AFFIRMATION ON THE PART OF THE WIFE, AND HER TALKING INCESSANTLY ABOUT LOVE. With the angels in heaven there is no refusal and repugnance on the part of the wives, as there is with some wives on earth: with the angels in heaven also the wives converse about love, and are not silent as some wives on earth; but the causes of these differences I am not allowed to declare, because it would be unbecoming; nevertheless they are declared in four MEMORABLE RELATIONS at the close of the chapters, by the angels' wives, who freely speak of them to their husbands, by the three in the hall over which there was a golden shower, and by the seven who were sitting in a rosary. These memorable relations are adduced, to the end that every thing may be explained that relates to conjugial love, which is the subject here treated of both in general and in particular.
259. XXIII. OF ACCIDENTAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, THE MAN'S CONTINUALLY THINKING THAT HIS WIFE IS WILLING; AND ON THE OTHER HAND THE WIFE'S THINKING THAT THE MAN IS NOT WILLING. That the latter circumstance is a cause of love's ceasing with wives, and the former a cause of cold with men, is too obvious to need any comment. For that the man who thinks that his wife, when in his sight by day, and when lying at his side by night, is desirous or willing, should grow cold to the extremities, and on the other hand that the wife, who thinks that the man is able and not willing, should lose her love, are circumstances among many others well known to husbands who have considered the arcana relating to conjugial love. These circumstances are adduced also, to the end that this work may be perfected, and THE CONJUGIAL LOVE AND ITS CHASTE DELIGHTS may be completed.
260. XXIV. AS COLD IS IN THE MIND IT IS ALSO IN THE BODY; AND ACCORDING TO THE INCREASE OF THAT COLD, THE EXTERNALS ALSO OF THE BODY ARE CLOSED. It is believed at the present day that the mind of man (homo) is in the head, and nothing of it in the body, when yet the soul and the mind are both in the head and in the body; for the soul and the mind are the man (homo), since both constitute the spirit which lives after death; and that this spirit is in a perfect human form, has been fully shewn in the treatises we have published. Hence, as soon as a man thinks anything, he can in an instant utter it by means of his bodily mouth, and at the same time represent it by gesture; and as soon as he wills anything, he can in an instant bring it into act and effect by his bodily members: which could not be the case unless the soul and the mind were together in the body, and constituted his spiritual man. From these considerations it may be seen, that while conjugial love is in the mind, it is similar to itself in the body; and since love is heat, that it opens the externals of the body from the interiors; but on the other hand, that the privation thereof, which is cold, closes the externals of the body from the interiors: hence it is manifest what is the cause of the faculty (of conjugial love) with the angels enduring for ever, and what is the cause of its failing with men who are cold.
261. To the above I shall add THREE MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. In the superior northern quarter near the east in the spiritual world, there are places of instruction for boys, for youths, for men, and also for old men: into these places all who die infants are sent and are educated in heaven; so also all who arrive fresh from the world, and desire information about heaven and hell, are sent to the same places. This tract is near the east, that all may be instructed by influx from the Lord; for the Lord is the east, because he is in the sun there, which from him is pure love; hence the heat from that sun in its essence is love, and the light from it in its essence is wisdom. These are inspired into them from the Lord out of that sun; and they are inspired according to reception, and reception is according to the love of growing wise. After periods of instruction, those who are made intelligent are sent forth thence, and are called disciples of the Lord. They are sent forth first into the west, and those who do not remain there, into the south, and some through the south into the east, and are introduced into the societies where they are to reside. On a time, while I was meditating respecting heaven and hell, I began to desire a universal knowledge of the state of each, being aware, that whoever knows universals, may afterwards comprehend particulars, because the latter are contained in the former, as parts in a whole. In this desire I looked to the above tract in the northern quarter near the east, where were the places of instruction, and went there by a way then open to me. I entered one of the colleges, where there were some young men, and addressed the chief teachers there who gave instruction, and asked them whether they were acquainted with the universals respecting heaven and hell. They replied, that they knew some little; "but if we look," said they, "towards the east to the Lord, we shall receive illustration and knowledge." They did so, and said, "There are three universals of hell, which are diametrically opposite to the universals of heaven. The universals of hell are these three loves; the love of dominion grounded in self-love, the love of possessing the goods of others grounded in the love of the world, and adulterous love. The universals of heaven opposite to these are the three following loves; the love of dominion grounded in the love of use, the love of possessing worldly goods grounded in the love of performing uses therewith, and love truly conjugial." Hereupon, after expressing my good wishes towards them, I took my leave, and returned home. When I was come home, it was said to me from heaven, "Examine those three universals above and beneath, and afterwards we shall see them in your hand." It was said in the hand, because whatever a man examines intellectually, appears to the angels as if inscribed on his hands.