The Delights of Wisdom Pertaining to Conjugial Love · Chapter 20Preliminary Relations Respecting the Joys of Heaven and Nuptials There. (19)
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215. V. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONTINUALLY DESIRE TO BE ONE MAN, BUT THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, DESIRE TO BE TWO. Conjugial love essentially consists in the desire of two to become one; that is, in their desire that two lives may become one life. This desire is the perpetual conatus of that love, from which flow all its effects. That conatus is the very essence of motion, and that desire is the living conatus appertaining to man, is confirmed by the researches of philosophers, and is also evident to such as take a view of the subject from refined reason. Hence it follows, that those who are in love truly conjugial, continually endeavour, that is, desire to be one man. That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, they themselves very well know; for as they continually think themselves two from the disunion of their souls and minds, so they do not comprehend what is meant by the Lord's words, "They are no longer two, but one flesh;" Matt. xix. 6.
216. VI. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, IN MARRIAGE HAVE RESPECT TO WHAT IS ETERNAL; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT THE CASE IS REVERSED. Those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal, because in that love there is eternity; and its eternity is grounded in this, that love with the wife, and wisdom with the husband, increases to eternity; and in the increase or progression the married partners enter more and more interiorly into the blessedness of heaven, which their wisdom and its love have stored up together in themselves: if therefore the idea of what is eternal were to be plucked away, or by any casualty to escape from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven. What is the state of conjugial partners in heaven, when the idea of what is eternal falls out of their minds, and the idea of what is temporal takes its place, was made evident to me from the following case. On a certain time, permission having been granted for the purpose, two married partners were present with me from heaven: and at that instant the idea of what is eternal respecting marriage was taken away from them by an idle disorderly spirit who was talking with craft and subtlety. Hereupon they began to bewail themselves, saying, that they could not live any longer, and that they felt such misery as they had never felt before. When this was perceived by their co-angels in heaven, the disorderly spirit was removed and cast down; whereupon the idea of what is eternal instantly returned to them, and they were gladdened in heart, and most tenderly embraced each other. Besides this, I have heard two married partners, who at one instant entertained an idea of what is eternal respecting their marriage, and the next an idea of what is temporal. This arose from their being internally dissimilar. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were mutually glad; but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "There is no longer any marriage between us;" and the wife, "I am no longer a wife, but a concubine;" and the husband, "I am no longer a husband, but an adulterer;" wherefore while their internal dissimilitude was open to them, the man left the woman, and the woman the man: afterwards, however, as each had an idea of what is eternal respecting marriage, they were consociated with suitable partners. From these instances it may be clearly seen, that those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal; and if this idea escapes from their inmost thoughts, they are disunited as to conjugial love, though not at the same time as to friendship; for friendship dwells in externals, but conjugial love in internals. The case is similar with marriages on earth, where married partners who tenderly love each other, think of what is eternal respecting the marriage-covenant, and not at all of its termination by death; and if this should enter their thoughts, they are grieved; nevertheless they are cherished again by hope from the thought of its continuance after their decease.
[Transcriber's Note: The out-of-order section number which follows is in the original text, as is the asterisk which does not seem to indicate a footnote.]
216.* VII. CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES; BUT STILL THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THE HUSBANDS. The reason of this is, because wives are born loves; and hence it is innate to them to desire to be one with their husbands and from this thought of their will they continually feed their love; wherefore to recede from the conatus of uniting themselves to their husbands, would be to recede from themselves: it is otherwise with the husbands, who are not born loves, but recipients of that love from their wives; and on this account, so far as they receive it, so far the wives enter with their love; but so far as they do not receive it, so far the wives stand aloof with their love, and wait in expectation. This is the case with chaste wives; but it is otherwise with the unchaste. From these considerations it is evident, that conjugial love resides with the wives, but that their love depends on the husbands.
217. VIII. WIVES LOVE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE IF THE MEN DO. This follows from what was said in the foregoing article: moreover, wives naturally desire to be, and to be called wives; this being to them a name of respect and honor; they therefore love the bonds of marriage. And as chaste wives desire, not in name only, but in reality, to be wives, and this is effected by a closer and closer binding with their husbands, therefore they love the bonds of marriage as establishing the marriage-covenant, and this so much the more as they are loved again by their husbands, or what is tantamount, as the men love those bonds.
218. IX. THE INTELLIGENCE OF WOMEN IS IN ITSELF MODEST, ELEGANT, PACIFIC, YIELDING, SOFT, TENDER; BUT THE INTELLIGENCE OF MEN IN ITSELF IS GRAVE, HARSH, HARD, DARING, FOND OF LICENTIOUSNESS. That such is the characteristic distinction of the woman and the man, is very evident from the body, the face, the tone of voice, the conversation, the gesture, and the manners of each: from the BODY, in that there is more hardness in the skin and flesh of men, and more softness in that of women; from the FACE, in that it is harder, more fixed, harsher, of darker complexion, also bearded, thus less beautiful in men; whereas in women it is softer, more yielding, more tender, of fairer complexion, and thence more beautiful; from the TONE OF VOICE, in that it is deeper with men, and sweeter with women; from the CONVERSATION in that with men it is given to licentiousness and daring, but with women it is modest and pacific; from the GESTURE, in that with men it is stronger and firmer, whereas with women it is more weak and feeble; from the MANNERS, in that with men they are more unrestrained, but with women more elegant. How far from the very cradle the genius of men differs from that of women, was discovered to me clearly from seeing a number of boys and girls met together. I saw them at times through a window in the street of a great city, where more than twenty assembled every day. The boys, agreeably to the disposition born with them, in their pastimes were tumultuous, vociferous, apt to fight, to strike, and to throw stones at each other; whereas the girls sat peaceably at the doors of the houses, some playing with little children, some dressing dolls or working on bits of linen, some kissing each other; and to my surprise, they still looked with satisfaction at the boys whose pastimes were so different from their own. Hence I could see plainly, that a man by birth is understanding, and a woman, love; and also the quality of understanding and of love in their principles; and thereby what would be the quality of a man's understanding without conjunction with female love, and afterwards with conjugial love.
219. X. WIVES ARE IN NO EXCITATION AS MEN ARE; BUT THEY HAVE A STATE OF PREPARATION FOR RECEPTION. That men have semination and consequent excitation, and that women have not the latter because they have not the former, is evident, but that women have a state of preparation for reception, and thus for conception, I relate from what has been told me; but what the nature and quality of this state with the women is, I am not allowed to describe; besides, it is known to them alone: but whether their love, while they are in that state, is in the enjoyment of its delight, or in what is undelightful, as some say, they have not made known. This only is generally known, that it is not allowed the husband to say to the wife, that he is able and not willing: for thereby the state of reception is greatly hurt, which is prepared according to the state of the husband's ability.
220. XI. MEN HAVE ABUNDANT STORE ACCORDING TO THE LOVE OF PROPAGATING THE TRUTHS OF WISDOM, AND TO THE LOVE OF DOING USES. This position is one of the arcana which were known to the ancients, and which are now lost. The ancients knew that everything which was done in the body is from a spiritual origin: as that from the will, which in itself is spiritual, actions flow; that from the thought, which also is spiritual, speech flows; also that natural sight is grounded in spiritual sight, which is that of the understanding; natural hearing in spiritual hearing, which is attention of the understanding and at the same time accommodation of the will; and natural smelling in spiritual smelling, which is perception; and so forth: in like manner they saw that semination with men is from a spiritual origin. That it is from the truths of which the understanding consists, they concluded from several deductions both of reason and of experience; and they asserted, that nothing is received by males from the spiritual marriage, which is that of good and truth, and which flows into everything in the universe, but truth, and whatever has relation to truth; and that this in its progress into the body is formed into seed; and that hence it is, that seeds spiritually understood are truths. As to formation, they asserted, that the masculine soul, as being intellectual, is thus truth; for the intellectual principle is nothing else; wherefore while the soul descends, truth also descends: that this is effected by this circumstance, that the soul, which is the inmost principle of every man (homo) and every animal, and which in its essence is spiritual, from an implanted tendency to self-propagation, follows in the descent, and is desirous to procreate itself; and that when this is the case, the entire soul forms itself, and clothes itself, and becomes seed: and that this may be done thousands of times, because the soul is a spiritual substance, which is not a subject of extension but of impletion, and from which no part can be taken away, but the whole may be produced, without any loss thereof: hence it is, that it is as fully present in the smallest receptacles, which are seeds, as in its greatest receptacle, the body. Since therefore the principle of truth in the soul is the origin of seed, it follows, that men have abundant store according to their love of propagating the truths of their wisdom: it is also according to their love of doing uses; because uses are the goods which truths produce. In the world also it is well known to some, that the industrious have abundant store, but not the idle. I inquired, "How is a feminine principle produced from a male soul?" and I received for answer, that it was from intellectual good; because this in its essence is truth: for the intellect can think that this is good, thus that it is true that it is good. It is otherwise with the will: this does not think what is good and true, but loves and does it. Therefore in the Word sons signify truths, and daughters goods, as may be seen above, n. 120; and seed signifies truth, as may be seen in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED, n. 565.
221. XII. DETERMINATION IS IN THE GOOD PLEASURE OF THE HUSBAND. This is, because with men there is the abundant store above mentioned; and this varies with them according to the states of their minds and bodies: for the understanding is not so constant in its thoughts as the will is in its affections; since it is sometimes carried upwards, sometimes downwards; at one time it is in a serene and clear state in another in a turbulent and obscure one; sometimes it is employed on agreeable objects, sometimes on disagreeable; and as the mind, while it acts, is also in the body, it follows, that the body has similar states: hence the husband at times recedes from conjugial love, and at times accedes to it, and the abundant store is removed in the one state, and restored in the other. These are the reasons why determination at all times is to be left to the good pleasure of the husband: hence also it is that wives, from a wisdom implanted in them, never offer any admonition on such subjects.
222. XIII. THE CONJUGIAL SPHERE FLOWS FROM THE LORD THROUGH HEAVEN INTO EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE, EVEN TO ITS ULTIMATES. That love and wisdom, or, what is the same, good and truth, proceed from the Lord, was shewn above in a chapter on the subject. Those two principles in a marriage proceed continually from the Lord, because they are himself, and from him are all things; and the things which proceed from him fill the universe, for unless this were the case, nothing which exists would subsist. There are several spheres which proceed from him; the sphere of the conservation of the created universe; the sphere of the defence of good and truth against evil and false, the sphere of reformation and regeneration, the sphere of innocence and peace, the sphere of mercy and grace, with several others; but the universal of all is the conjugial sphere, because this also is the sphere of propagation, and thus the supereminent sphere of the conservation of the created universe by successive generations. That this conjugial sphere fills the universe, and pervades all things from first to last, is evident from what has been shewn above, that there are marriages in the heavens, and the most perfect in the third or supreme heaven: and that besides taking place with men it takes place also with all the subjects of the animal kingdom in the earth, even down to worms; and moreover with all the subjects of the vegetable kingdom, from olives and palms even to the smallest grasses. That this sphere is more universal than the sphere of heat and light, which proceeds from the sun of our world, may appear reasonable from this consideration, that it operates also in the absence of the sun's heat, as in winter, and in the absence of its light, as in the night, especially with men (homines). The reason why it so operates is, because it was from the sun of the angelic heaven, and thence there is a constant equation of heat and light, that is, a conjunction of good and truth; for it is in a continual spring. The changes of good and truth, or of its heat and light, are not variations thereof, like the variations on earth arising from changes of the heat and light proceeding from the natural sun; but they arise from the recipient subjects.
223. XIV. THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED BY THE FEMALE SEX, AND THROUGH THAT IS TRANSFERRED TO THE MALE SEX. There is not any conjugial love appertaining to the male sex, but it appertains solely to the female sex, and from this sex is transferred to the male: this I have seen evidenced by experience; concerning which see above, n. 161. A further proof of it is supplied from this consideration, that the male form is the intellectual form, and the female the voluntary; and the intellectual form cannot grow warm with conjugial heat from itself, but from the conjunctive heat of some one, in whom it was implanted from creation; consequently it cannot receive that love except by the voluntary form of the woman adjoined to itself; because this also is a form of love. This same position might be further confirmed by the marriage of good and truth; and, to the natural man, by the marriage of the heart and lungs; for the heart corresponds to love, and the lungs to understanding; but as the generality of mankind are deficient in the knowledge of these subjects, confirmation thereby would tend rather to obscure than to illustrate. It is in consequence of the transference of this sphere from the female sex into the male, that the mind is also inflamed solely from thinking about the sex; that hence also comes propagative formation and thereby excitation, follows of course; for unless heat is united to light on earth, nothing flourishes and is excited to cause fructification there.
224. XV. WHERE THERE IS LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED BY THE WIFE, AND ONLY THROUGH HER BY THE HUSBAND. That this sphere, with those who are in love truly conjugial, is received by the husband only through the wife, is at this day an arcanum; and yet in itself it is not an arcanum, because the bridegroom and new-married husband may know this; is he not affected conjugially by whatever proceeds from the bride and new-married wife, but not at that time by what proceeds from others of the sex? The case is the same with those who live together in love truly conjugial. And since everyone, both man and woman, is encompassed by his own sphere of life, densely on the breast, and less densely on the back, it is manifest whence it is that husbands who are very fond of their wives, turn themselves to them, and in the day-time regard them with complacency; and on the other hand, why those who do not love their wives, turn themselves away from them, and in the day-time regard them with aversion. By the reception of the conjugial sphere by the husband only through the wife, love truly conjugial is known and distinguished from that which is spurious, false, and cold.
225. XVI. WHERE THERE IS LOVE NOT CONJUGIAL, THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED INDEED BY THE WIFE, BUT NOT BY THE HUSBAND THROUGH HER. This conjugial sphere flowing into the universe is in its origin divine; in its progress in heaven with the angels it is celestial and spiritual; with men it is natural, with beasts and birds animal, with worms merely corporeal, with vegetables it is void of life; and moreover in all its subjects it is varied according to their forms. Now as this sphere is received immediately by the female sex, and mediately by the male, and as it is received according to forms, it follows, that this sphere, which in its origin is holy, may in the subjects be turned into what is not holy, yea may be even inverted into what is opposite. The sphere opposite to it is called meretricious with such women, and adulterous with such men; and as such men and women are in hell, this sphere is from thence: but of this sphere there is also much variety, and hence there are several species of it; and such a species is attracted and appropriated by a man (vir) as is agreeable to him, and as is conformable and correspondent with his peculiar temper and disposition. From these considerations it may appear, that the man who does not love his wife, receives that sphere from some other source than from his wife; nevertheless it is a fact, that it is also inspired by the wife, but without the husband's knowing it, and while he grows warm.
226. XVII. LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL MAY EXIST WITH ONE OF THE MARRIED PARTNERS, AND NOT AT THE SAME TIME WITH THE OTHER. For one may from the heart devote himself to chaste marriage, while the other knows not what chaste marriage is; one may love the things which are of the church, but the other those which are of the world alone: as to their minds, one may be in heaven, the other in hell; hence there may be conjugial love with the one, and not with the other. The minds of such, since they are turned in a contrary direction, are inwardly in collision with each other; and if not outwardly, still, he that is not in conjugial love, regards his lawful consort as a tiresome old woman; and so in other cases.
227. XVIII. THERE ARE VARIOUS SIMILITUDES AND DISSIMILITUDES, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, WITH MARRIED PARTNERS. It is well known, that between married partners there are similitudes and dissimilitudes, and that the external appear, but not the internal, except after some time of living together, to the married partners themselves, and by indications to others; but it would be useless to mention each so that they might be known, since several pages might be filled with an account and description of their varieties. Similitudes may in part be deduced and concluded from the dissimilitudes on account of which conjugial love is changed into cold; of which we shall speak in the following chapter. Similitudes and dissimilitudes in general originate from connate inclinations, varied by education, connections, and persuasions that have been imbibed.
228. XIX. VARIOUS SIMILITUDES CAN BE CONJOINED, BUT NOT WITH DISSIMILITUDES. The varieties of similitudes are very numerous, and differ more or less from each other; but still those which differ may in time be conjoined by various things, especially by accommodations to desires, by mutual offices and civilities, by abstaining from what is unchaste, by the common love of infants and the care of children, but particularly by conformity in things relating to the church; for things relating to the church effect a conjunction of similitudes differing interiorly, other things only exteriorly. But with dissimilitudes no conjunction can be effected, because they are antipathetical.
229. XX. THE LORD PROVIDES SIMILITUDES FOR THOSE WHO DESIRE LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, AND IF NOT ON EARTH, HE YET PROVIDES THEM IN HEAVEN. The reason of this is, because all marriages of love truly conjugial are provided by the Lord. That they are from him, may be seen above, n. 130, 131; but in what manner they are provided in heaven, I have heard thus described by the angels: The divine providence of the Lord extends to everything, even to the minutest particulars, concerning marriages and in marriages, because all the delights of heaven spring from the delights of conjugial love, as sweet waters from the fountain-head; and on this account it is provided that conjugial pairs be born; and that they be continually educated to their several marriages under the Lord's auspices, neither the boy nor the girl knowing anything of the matter; and after a stated time, when they both become marriageable, they meet in some place as by chance, and see each other, and in this case they instantly know, as by a kind of instinct, that they are a pair, and by a kind of inward dictate think within themselves, the youth, that she is mine, and the maiden, that he is mine; and when this thought has existed some time in the mind of each, they accost each other from a deliberate purpose, and betroth themselves. It is said, as by chance, by instinct, and by dictate; and the meaning is, by divine providence; since, while the divine providence is unknown, it has such an appearance; for the Lord opens internal similitudes, so that they may see themselves.
230. XXI. A MAN (homo) ACCORDING TO THE DEFICIENCY AND LOSS OF CONJUGIAL LOVE, APPROACHES TO THE NATURE OF A BEAST. The reason of this is, because so far as a man (homo) is in conjugial love, so far he is spiritual, and so far as he is spiritual, so far he is a man (homo); for a man is born to a life after death, and attains the possession thereof in consequence of having in him a spiritual soul, and is capable of being elevated thereto by the faculty of his understanding; if in this case his will, from the faculty also granted to it, is elevated at the same time, he lives after death the life of heaven. The contrary comes to pass, if he is in a love opposite to conjugial love; for so far as he is in this opposite love, so far he is natural; and a merely natural man is like a beast as to lusts and appetites, and to their delights; with this difference only, that he has the faculty of elevating his understanding into the light of wisdom, and also of elevating his will into the heat of celestial love. These faculties are never taken away from airy man (homo); therefore the merely natural man, although as to concupiscences and appetites and their delights, he is like a beast, still lives after death, but in a state corresponding to his past life. From these considerations it may appear that a man, according to the deficiency of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast. This position may seem to be contradicted by the consideration, that there are a deficiency and loss of conjugial love with some who yet are men (homines); but the position is meant to be confined to those who make light of conjugial love from a principle of adulterous love, and who therefore are in such deficiency and loss.
231. To the above I shall add THREE MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. I once heard loud exclamations, which issued from the hells, with a noise as if they bubbled up through water: one to the left hand, in these words, "O HOW JUST!" another to the right, "O HOW LEARNED!" and a third from behind, "O HOW WISE!" and as I was in doubt whether there are also in hell persons of justice, learning, and wisdom, I was impressed with a strong desire of seeing what was the real case; and a voice from heaven said to me, "You shall see and hear." I therefore in spirit went out of the house, and saw before me an opening, which I approached; and looked down; and lo! there was a ladder, by which I descended: and when I was down, I observed a level country set thick with shrubs, intermixed with thorns and nettles; and on my asking, whether this was hell, I was told it was the lower earth next above hell. I then continued my course in a direction according to the exclamations in order; first to those who exclaimed, "O HOW JUST!" where I saw a company consisting of such as in the world had been judges influenced by friendship and gifts; then to the second exclamation, "O HOW LEARNED!" where I saw a company of such as in the world had been reasoners; and lastly to the third exclamation, "O HOW WISE!" where I saw a company such as in the world had been confirmators. From these I returned to the first, where there were judges influenced by friendship and gifts, and who were proclaimed "Just." On one side I saw as it were an amphitheatre built of brick, and covered with black slates; and I was told that they called it a tribunal. There were three entrances to it on the north, and three on the west, but none on the south and east; a proof that their decisions were not those of justice, but were arbitrary determinations. In the middle of the amphitheatre there was a fire, into which the servants who attended threw torches of sulphur and pitch; the light whereof, by its vibrations on the plastered walls, presented pictured images of birds of the evening and night; but both the fire and the vibrations of light thence issuing, together with the forms of the images thereby produced, were representations that in their decisions they could adorn the matter of any debate with colored dyes, and give it a form according to their own interest. In about half an hour I saw some old men and youths in robes and cloaks, enter the amphitheatre, who, laying aside their caps, took their seats at the tables, in order to sit in judgement. I heard and perceived with what cunning and ingenuity, under the impulse of prejudice in favor of their friends, they warped and inverted judgement so as to give it an appearance of justice, and this to such a degree, that they themselves saw what was unjust as just, and on the other hand what was just as unjust. Such persuasions respecting the points to be decided upon, appeared from their countenances, and were heard from their manner of speaking. I then received illustration from heaven, from which I perceived how far each point was grounded in right or not; and I saw how industriously they concealed what was unjust, and gave it a semblance of what was just; and how they selected some particular statute which favored their own side of the question, and by cunning reasonings warped the rest to the same side. After judgement was given, the decrees were conveyed to their clients, friends and favorers, who, to recompense them for their services, continued to shout, "O HOW JUST, O HOW JUST!" After this I conversed respecting them with the angels of heaven, and related to them some of the things I had seen and heard. The angels said to me, "Such judges appear to others to be endowed with a most extraordinary acuteness of intellect; when yet they do not at all see what is just and equitable. If you remove the prejudices of friendship in favor of particular persons, they sit mute in judgement like so many statues, and only say, 'I acquiesce, and am entirely of your opinion on this point.' This happens because all their judgements are prejudices; and prejudice with partiality influences the case in question from beginning to end. Hence they see nothing but what is connected with their friend's interest; and whatever is contrary thereto, they set aside; or if they pay any attention to it, they involve it in intricate reasonings, as a spider wraps up its prey in a web, and make an end of it; hence, unless they follow the web of their prejudice, they see nothing of what is right. They were examined whether they were able to see it, and it was discovered that they were not. That this is the case, will seem wonderful to the inhabitants of your world; but tell them it is a truth that has been investigated by the angels of heaven. As they see nothing of what is just, we in heaven regard them not as men but as monsters, whose heads are constituted of things relating to friendship, their breasts of those relating to injustice, their feet of those which relate to confirmation, and the soles of the feet of those things which relate to justice, which they supplant and trample under foot, in case they are unfavorable to the interests of their friend. But of what quality they appear to us from heaven, you shall presently see; for their end is at hand." And lo! at that instant the ground was cleft asunder, and the tables fell one upon another, and they were swallowed up, together with the whole amphitheatre, and were cast into caverns, and imprisoned. It was then said to me, "Do you wish to see them where they now are?" And lo! their faces appeared as of polished steel, their bodies from the neck to the loins as graven images of stone clothed with leopards' skins, and their feet like snakes: the law books too, which they had arranged in order on the tables, were changed into packs of cards: and now, instead of sitting in judgement, the office appointed to them is to prepare vermilion and mix it up into a paint, to bedaub the faces of harlots and thereby turn them into beauties.