Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2 · Chapter 20Chapter III.—Sexual Inversion in Men. (11)
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"A. is the elder child of a military officer. His parents were 21 and 19, respectively, at the time of his birth. Both parents are healthy, and the two children (both boys) have good constitutions, though the elder has the better. He is of medium height and slender limbs, proud carriage, handsome and intellectual face (classic Greek type), excellent complexion, charming manners, and good temper. The penis is large, the foreskin very short. He is fond of philosophy, natural science, history, and literature. He is reflective and patient rather than smart, but strong-willed and very active when roused, never resting till he has accomplished what he wants, even if this takes years. He sings excellently, and is fond of cycling, boating, swimming, and mountain-climbing. He enjoys excellent health, and has never had a day's illness since he was 12 years of age. He says the only time he cannot sleep has been when in bed with some one who could not or would not satisfy him. He requires satisfaction at least once a week, twice or thrice in the hot season. He never smokes, nor drinks beer or spirits. He is still single, but believes that marriage would meet all his needs.
"X. is also an oldest child, of young and healthy parents (between 21 and 24 at his birth) of different class; father a builder. He is of pleasing, but not handsome, appearance; very sensitive, very neat, and methodical in all things; not very strong-willed, and very reserved to women. He is of very studious disposition, especially fond of philosophy, politics, and natural science; a good musician. Takes moderate exercise, but rather easily fatigued. Is generally healthy, but not overstrong. He is a vegetarian, and was brought up as a free-thinker. Until two years ago he was never attracted toward a girl; indeed, he disliked girls; but he is now engaged. For about eighteen months, he has relinquished homosexuality, but has suffered from dreams, bad digestion, and peevishness since. He thinks the only remedy is marriage, which he is pushing on. He regards homosexuality as quite natural and normal, though his desires are not strong, and once a fortnight has always satisfied him. He was led to the practice by the reasoning of A., and because he felt a certain vague need, and this comforted him. He thinks it a matter of temperament and not to be discussed, except by scientists. He says he could never perform it except with his dearest friend, whose request he could not resist. He has a long foreskin, flesh like a woman's, and is well proportioned.
"Both men are ardent for social reform, the one actively, the other passively engaged in it. Both also regard the law as to homosexuality as absurd and demoralizing. They also think that the law prohibiting polygamy is largely the cause of prostitution, as many women are prevented from living honest lives and being cared for by someone, and many men could marry one woman for physical satisfaction and another for intellectual.
"They were devoted to each other when I first knew them; they are still friends, but separated by distance. Both are exceedingly honorable, and the latter is truthful to a fault."
According to later information X. had married and his homosexual tendencies were almost completely in abeyance, partly, perhaps, owing to the fact that he now lives quietly in the country. A. has surprised his friends by his ardent attachment to a lady of about his own age to whom he has become engaged. He declares that he loves this woman better than any man, but nevertheless he still feels strong passion for his men friends. It is evident that the homosexual tendency in A. is distinctly more pronounced than in his friend X. As is found more often in bisexual than in homosexual persons, he is of predominantly masculine type, possesses great vitality, and desires to exert all his faculties. He has a sound nervous system and is very free from all "nervousness." He has written a scientific treatise and can study undisturbed amid violent noises. His voice is manly (in singing deep base). He can whistle. He is not vain, though well formed, and his hands are delicate. His favorite color is green. The demonstrative warmth of his affection for his friends is the chief feminine trait noted in him. He rarely dreams and has never had an erotic dream; this he explains by saying (earlier than Freud) that all dreams not caused by physical conditions are wish-dreams, and as he always satisfies his sexual needs at once, with a friend or by masturbation, his sexual needs have no opportunity of affecting his subconscious life.
There may be some doubt as to the classification of the two foregoing cases: they are not personally known to me. The following case, with which I have been acquainted for many years, I regard as clearly a genuine example of bisexuality:—
HISTORY XXXI.—Englishman, independent means, aged 52, married. His ancestry is of a complicated character. Some of his mother's forefathers in the last and earlier centuries are supposed to have been inverted. He remembers liking the caresses of his father's footmen when he was quite a little boy. He dreams indifferently about men and women, and has strong sexual feeling for women. Can copulate, but does not insist on this act; there is a tendency to refined, voluptuous pleasure. He has been married for many years, and there are several children by the marriage.
He is not particular about the class or age of the men he loves. He feels with regard to older men as a women does, and likes to be caressed by them. He is immensely vain of his physical beauty; he shuns pedicatio and does not much care for the sexual act, but likes long hours of voluptuous communion during which his lover admires him. He feels the beauty of boyhood. At the same time he is much attracted by young girls.
He is decidedly feminine in his dress, manner of walking, love of scents, ornaments, and fine things. His body is excessively smooth and white, the hips and buttocks rounded. Genital organs normal. His temperament is feminine, especially in vanity, irritability, and petty preoccupations. He is much preoccupied with his personal appearance and fond of admiration; on one occasion he was photographed naked as Bacchus. He is physically and morally courageous. He has a genius for poetry and speculation, with a tendency to mysticism.
He feels the discord between his love for men and society, also between it and his love for his wife. He regards it as, in part, at least, hereditary and inborn in him.
HISTORY XXXII.—C. R., physician; age 38. Nationality, Irish, with a Portuguese strain. "My mother came of an old Quaker family. I was quite unaware of sexual differences until I was about 14, as I was carefully kept separate from my sisters and, although from time to time strange longings which I did not understand possessed me, I was a virgin in thought and deed until that period of life.
"When I was 14 a cousin some years older than myself came to stay with us and shared my bed. To my surprise he took hold of my penis and rubbed it for a time, when a most pleasant feeling seized me and increased until a discharge came out of my organ; he then asked me to do the same to him. We frequently repeated the process during the following month; I was quite unaware of any harm resulting.
"The same year I went to school, but none of my schoolmates for some time even suggested such actions until a friend staying with us for the holidays one day in the bathroom repeated the process and pressed his penis between my thighs, when a similar discharge took place. I shortly found out that several of my school friends and male cousins had the same desires, and an elder brother of my first introducer into sexuality repeatedly spent the night with me, when we would amuse ourselves in a similar way.
"A little later, my mother being away from home, I shared my father's bed and he took my penis in his hand and pulled my foreskin back. I in return took hold of his and found that he had an erection. I proceeded to rub him when he stopped me and told me that I should not do so, that when I was a little older I should love a woman to do it and that if I did not rub myself and allow other boys to do so, I would enjoy myself much more. I am quite certain that my father was inverted, as he frequently, if sleeping with me, used to press my naked body against his and he always had a strong erection. On one occasion he rubbed me until I had a discharge and then, turning over on his back, made me take his penis in my hand and rub him for a few minutes. I used to jest frequently with my father, as from my seventeenth year my penis was larger than his. I will return to my father a little later. When I was 17 a college friend shared my bed, and when undressing he said that he envied me my penis being so much larger than his; after getting into bed, he asked me to turn on my side and I found that he was attempting pedicatio. I was astonished at his doing so when he informed me that next to a woman this process gave most pleasure. However, nothing resulted and this is the only experience of pedicatio that I have ever had.
"When I was 18 one evening a college chum introduced me to a woman and she was the first I ever had connection with. We went behind some rocks and she took hold of my penis and pressed it into her body, lying against me.
"My father evidently suspected me when I came home, and a few days afterward told me that it was very dangerous to have anything to do with women, that I should wait until I was older, that when a boy became a man he ought to have a woman occasionally, and that if I ever had a nasty disease I should promptly tell him so that I could be properly cured.
"At college I found several chums who were fond of sharing my bed and indulging in mutual masturbation, pressing our bodies together face to face until there was mutual discharge, but never again anyone who tried anal connection.
"A short time afterward I was in Brussels and I paid my first visit to a brothel, a place close to the Cathedral. I picked a girl of about 18 from eight naked beauties paraded for my choice. She was avaricious and demanded 10 francs, I had paid 20 for my room and had only 2 left. I wanted her to play with me, but she only seized the penis and pulled me to her with such vigorous action that I discharged very rapidly. I was so disgusted with the result that I masturbated when I returned to my boarding house.
"A year later I paid Portugal a visit and my friends there frequently brought me to brothels and also introduced me to ladies of easy virtue. I had connection with them; the Portuguese prostitutes never suggested anything unnatural and in no instance did a male approach me for sexual purposes.
"When I became a medical student, I used to visit a Turkish bath frequently; on one occasion I playfully slapped a friend on the buttocks, when my father, who was present, told me not to do so as it was not proper conduct in public, that if I liked to do so to him or one or two others it was no harm in private. Until I was 21, in the bath my father always covered his penis from my view, but after I attained my majority he always exposed himself and repeatedly showed me pictures of naked women; he also taught me the use of the condom.
"In my twenty-fourth year, a tall, handsome man who used to frequent the baths one day sat down beside me and playfully knocked my toes with his; he then pressed his naked thigh against mine and a little later in the cooling room slipped his hand under my sheet and grasped my penis; he then asked me to meet him a few days later in the baths, saying I would be pleased with what he would do.
"I kept the appointment and he took me into the hottest room, where we lay on the floor; in a few minutes he turned on his side and threw one of his legs across me; I got frightened and jumped up; he had a powerful erection, but I refused to lie down again, although he pulled his foreskin back to excite my desires; I was afraid of being surprised by another bather. Twice on future occasions I met this man and he made advances. I believe that I would have yielded then if we had met at a private house.
"Shortly afterward I met an elderly gentleman at the baths who also made advances to me, but from fear I resisted him. I also disliked him as he had a foul breath and bad teeth; besides I was now able to go to the Continent and enjoy female charms to my heart's desire.
"After qualification I joined the army in South Africa and to my astonishment found many of my comrades fond of male society; one officer who had been wounded shared my bedroom at a military hospital and when undressing frequently admired my penis; we used to play with each other until we had powerful erections, but we never masturbated or tried any unnatural vice.
"I used to have connection with women as frequently as I could, and I frequently visited the Turkish baths and found that several clients were abnormal, including one of the masseurs; the latter enjoyed playing with my penis, kissing and tickling me.
"I married at 28. My married life has been normal and my wife and I are still in love with one another; we have had several children.
"My last sexual experiences have been in Australia; once in Sydney at the baths a fellow-bather playfully began tickling me, when I had an erection; he grasped my penis, I jumped up, and he asked me to do anything that I liked with him. I refused. Once on board a coasting steamer a fellow-passenger used to expose himself, posing as a statue; we became very familiar and he wanted me to spend a night with him. I also refused his offers.
"I am very healthy and strong, fond of riding, fishing, and shooting. I lead a very active life. I am neither musician nor artist, but fond of hearing music and I admire works of art.
"In person I am 6 feet high, inclined to fat; my body is very strong; my penis is six inches long in repose and eight in erection; I can without fatigue discharge twice in the night and have connection at least twice a week. My scrotum is tense and both testicles large. I am rather slow at discharging. I have never had any desire to have connection with any other woman since marriage, but several times I have met men who attracted me. I have a friend (another doctor) who is very familiar with me and if we spend a night together we will play with each other. I have a great desire for him to circumcize me. We have never indulged in anything beyond feeling or pressing our bodies together like schoolboys.
"My favorite color is green.
"My erotic dreams, when I have any, are of my wife or of a male lover.
"Sexual inversion is more widespread than is popularly supposed and I have never had any twinge of conscience after any of my affairs. I regard the homosexual instinct as quite natural, and, except in regard to my wife, it is stronger in my case than the heterosexual instinct. I have never initiated a youth into the sexual life or had any desire to seduce a girl. Boys under 17, or persons of lower social class, have no attraction for me."
HISTORY XXXIII.—M. O., 30 years of age, born in the United States, of English father and of mother whose father was Scotch,—the rest of his ancestry being English of long standing in America, with a very little admixture of Dutch blood. He is 5 feet 8 inches in height, and has brown hair and eyes. No hereditary troubles so far as known. In childhood, for some time "threatened with chorea." Is subject to tonsillitis and a stubborn though not severe form of indigestion, induced by sedentary habits. He is of quick, nervous temperament. Has an aversion from most outdoor sports, but a great esthetic attraction to nature. Highly educated.
As far back as he can remember, he lived in a house from which his parents removed when he was 4 years old. Before this removal, he remembers two distinctly sexual experiences. A cousin five years older was in the bathroom, seated, and M. O. was feeling his sexual organs; his mother called him out. On another occasion he was in a wagonhouse with a girl of his own age. They were lying on a carriage-seat attempting intercourse. The girl's older sister came in and found them. She said: "I am going to tell mamma; you know she said for you not to do that any more." With each of these clear memories comes the strong impression that it was but one among many. Five years ago M. O. met a man of his own age who had lived in that neighborhood at the same time. Comparing notes, they found that nearly all the small children in it had been given to such practices. The neighborhood was a thoroughly "respectable" middle-class one.
From it, M. O. removed to another of just about the same character, and lived there until he was 11 years old. Of this period his memories are very fresh and abundant. With a single exception, all the children between 5 and 14 years of age appear to have indulged freely in promiscuous sexual play. In little companies of from four to twelve they went where trees or long grass hid them from observation, and exhibited their persons to one another; sometimes, also, they handled one another, but not in the way of masturbation. Of this last, M. O. was wholly ignorant. Sometimes when but two or three were together, intercourse was attempted. In M. O.'s case there was eager sexual curiosity, and a more or less keen desire, but actual contact brought no great satisfaction. On two or three occasions girls practised fellatio, and he then reciprocated with cunnilinctus, but without pleasure. In all these plays he is sure that girls took the initiative as often as boys did.
During all this period, M. O. had now one girl sweetheart and now another. This was conventional among the children, and was fostered by the banter of older persons. M. O.'s sexual curiosity was certainly greater in regard to the opposite sex. At this time, however, his homosexual interests appeared. With a boy two or more years older he frequently went to some hiding-place where they looked at each other's organs and handled them. He and another boy were once in an abandoned garden, and they took off all their clothes, the better to examine each other. The other boy then offered to kiss M. O.'s fundament, and did so. It caused a surprisingly keen and distinctly sexual sensation, the first sexual shock that he can remember experiencing. He refused to reciprocate, however, when asked.
Toward the end of this period there was a new and increasing development of another sort, not recognized then as at all sexual in character. He began to feel toward certain boys in a way very different and much keener than he had done thus far toward girls, although at the time he made no comparisons. For instance there was a boy whom he considered very pretty. They visited each other often and spent long times playing together. In school they looked and looked at each other until delicious, uncontrollable giggling spells came on. Sexual matters were never discussed or thought of. These experiences were, in their way, very sentimental and ideal. M. O. is sure that with himself the main consideration was always the other boy's beauty. He began to recall with great fondness a certain much older and very handsome youth who had lived near him in the first neighborhood, and had at the time shown him, various little friendly attentions. He seldom saw him now, and hardly sought to do so, yet was immensely pleased by a casual word or look from him in the schoolyard, and much interested when other people spoke of him.
A cousin about two years younger than M. O. often visited him and slept with him. They were very fond of each other, and handled each other's organs.
When M. O. was about 11 years of age the family removed to a distant neighborhood, where there were almost no children of his own age, and where any association with those in the one just left was practically impossible. From this time until the changes of puberty were well under way his sexual life contrasted strongly, in its solitude, with the former promiscuity. He remembers liking to wrestle with two or three schoolboys and to get their heads between his legs. He thinks they were not aware of his sexual impulses. He flirted, consciously flirted, with certain school-girls, but never even suggested anything sexual to them. He read a few family medical books.
One day, lying on an old uneven couch, innocently enough at first, he induced a new and delicious sensation, altogether different from any he had ever dreamed of—something far beyond the satisfaction of mere curiosity. He repeated the thing and before long produced emissions. Masturbation soon followed. Certain days he would perform the act two or three times, but again he would avoid it for days. He began at once to fight the tendency, and felt very guilty and very ashamed for indulging it. He prayed for help and at times wept over his failures to break the habit so quickly formed. For a certain period, after two or three years, he seemed to have succeeded, but he observed that he had intense erotic dreams with copious emissions regularly every eight days. Just then certain newspaper advertisements fell under his eye, and these persuaded him that he had produced in himself a diseased condition. He never resorted to the remedies advertised, but he was discouraged in his efforts to overcome the bad habit; and since the evil effects appeared to consist only in the seminal losses, he concluded that he might as well have the greater enjoyment of masturbation.
For a short time, he remembers that he had an intense but revolting interest in the sexual organs of animals, especially horses. The males were much more interesting.
Gradually he began to develop, entirely from within, the ideal of a male comrade,—a beautiful, emotional boy between whom and himself there might exist a powerful romantic passion. He lay for hours dreaming of this, and inventing thrilling situations. Suddenly, at church, he became acquainted with the very youth, Edmund, who seemed to satisfy all his longings. M. O. was then 16½ and Edmund 15. A real wooing ensued, Edmund finally yielding to the physical appeals of M. O. after several fits of misgiving. The yielding was in the end complete, however. The two spent night after night together, enjoying intercrural intercourse and sometimes mutual masturbation. Their parents may have been slightly uneasy at times, but the connection continued uninterruptedly for a year and a half or more. In the meantime M. O. occasionally had relations with other boys, but never wavered in his real preference for Edmund. For girls he had no sexual desire whatever, though he was much associated with them.
Then M. O. and Edmund went to college at different places, but they met in vacations and wrote frequent and ardent love-letters. Both had genuine attacks of love-sickness and of jealousy. As M. O. looks back on this first love passion he can by no means regret it. It doubtless had great formative influence.
After the first year at college, Edmund transferred to another school farther away from M. O. and the opportunities for meeting became rarer, but their affection was maintained and the intercourse resumed whenever it was possible. Gradually, however, Edmund became interested in women and finally married. M. O. also formed relations repeatedly with college friends and occasionally with others.
On the whole M. O. preferred boys a year or two younger than himself, but as he grew older the age difference increased. At 30 he regarded himself as virtually "engaged" to a youth of 17, one unusually mature, however, and much larger than himself.
M. O. is always unhappy unless his affections have fairly free course. Life has been very disappointing to him in other respects. His greatest joys have come to him in this way. If he is able to consummate his present plan of union with the youth just referred to, he will feel that his life has been crowned by what is for him the best possible end; otherwise, he declares, he would not care to live at all.
He admires male beauty passionately. Feminine beauty he perceives objectively, as he would any design of flowing curves and delicate coloring, but it has no sexual charm for him whatever. Women have put themselves in his way repeatedly, but he finds himself more and more irritated by their specifically feminine foibles. With men generally he is much more patient and sympathetic.
The first literature that appealed to him was Plato's dialogues, first read at 20 years of age. Until then he had not known but what he stood alone in his peculiarity. He read what he could of classic literature. He enjoys Pater, appreciating his attitude toward his own sex. Four or five years, later he came across Raffalovich's book, and ever since has felt a real debt of gratitude to its author.
M. O. has no wish to injure society at large. As an individual he holds that he has the same right to be himself that anyone else has. He thinks that while boys of from 13 to 15 might possibly be rendered inverts, those who reach 16 without it cannot be bent that way. They may be devoted to an invert enough in other ways to yield him what he wishes sexually, but they will remain essentially normal themselves. His observations are based on about 30 homosexual relationships that have lasted various lengths of time.
M. O. feels strongly the poetic and elevated character of his principal homosexual relationships, but he shrinks from appearing too sentimental.
With regard to the traces of feminism in inverts he writes:—
"Up to the age of 11 I associated much with a cousin five years older (the one referred to above) and took great delight in a game we often played, in which I was a girl,—a never-ending romance, a non-sexual love story.
"Somewhat later and until puberty, I took great delight in acting, but generally took female roles, wearing skirts, shawls, beads, wigs, head-dresses. When I was about 13 my family began to make fun of me for it. I played secretly for a while, and then the desire for it left, never to return.
"There still lingers, however, a minor interest, which began before puberty, in valentines. My feeling for them is much like my feeling for flowers.
"Before I reached puberty I was sometimes called a 'sissy' by my father. Such taunts humiliated me more than anything else has ever done. After puberty my father no longer applied the term, and gradually other persons ceased to tease me that way. The sting of it lasted, though, and led me more than once to ask intimate friends, both men and women, if they considered me at all feminine. Every one of them has been very emphatically of the opinion that my rational life is distinctively masculine, being logical, impartial, skeptical. One or two have suggested that I have a finer discrimination than most men, and that I take care of my rooms somewhat as a woman might, though this does not extend to the style of decorations. One man said that I lacked sympathy with certain 'grosser manifestations of masculine character, such as smoking.' Some women think me unusually observing of women's dress. My own is by no means effeminate. In a muscular way I have average strength, but am supple far beyond what is usual. If trained for it early, I believe I would have made a good contortionist.
"I have never had the least inclination to use tobacco, generally take neither tea nor coffee, and seldom any liquor, never malt liquors. The dessert is always the best part of the meal. These tastes I attribute largely to my sedentary life. When out camping I observed a marked change in the direction of heartier food and mild stimulants.
"My physical courage has never been put to the test, but I observe that others appear to count on it. I am very aggressive in matters of religious, political, social opinion. In moral courage I am either reckless or courageous, I do not know which.