Memoir and Diary of John Yeardley, Minister of the Gospel · Chapter 3Part 3
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The friendship which Joseph Wood entertained for John Yeardley strengthened with revolving years. When he visited Barnsley, he was accustomed to lodge at his house; and writing to him in the year 1811, about a public meeting which he felt concerned to hold, he says, "I can with freedom write to thee, feeling that unity with thy spirit which preserves us near and dear to each other, and in which freedom runs."
In the Fourth Month of this year, when Joseph Wood received a certificate to visit some of the midland counties, J.Y. felt desirous "of setting him a little on his way."
On the 14th, he says, we went to Woodhouse, where we had a meeting, and my friend was enabled to speak very closely to the states of many present. When in the meeting, I felt a very weighty exercise to attend my mind with an intimation publicly to express it. But this exposure I dared not yield to, under an apprehension that it might be wrong in me, considering the occasion on which I had come out; but truly I left the place under a burden which I was scarcely able to bear.
It was on the 20th of the Fourth Month that he began to speak in public as a minister of the Gospel. He thus records the event:--
I felt myself in such a resigned frame of mind in our little week-day meeting, that I could not doubt the time was fully come for me to be relieved from that state of unspeakable oppression which my poor mind had been held in for so many years past. Soon after I took my seat, my mind became unusually calm, and the presence of the Most High seemed so to abound in my heart and spread over the meeting, that after some inward conflict I was unavoidably constrained publicly to express it, in nearly the following words: "I think I have so sensibly felt the precious influence of divine love to overshadow our little gathering, that I have been ready to say, It is good for us to be here; or I might rather say, It is good for us to feel ourselves under the precious influence of that protecting power which can alone preserve us from the snares of death." This first [public] act of submission to the divine will was done with as much stability of mind and body as I was capable of; and I thought the Friends present seemed sensible of my situation and sympathized with me under the exercise. I trust the sweet peace which I afterwards felt was a seal to my belief that I had been favored with divine compassion and approbation in the needful time.
In the Fifth Month John Yeardley attended for the first time the Yearly Meeting in London. He describes the business as very various and instructive, but bewails his own condition as that of "one starving in the midst of every good thing."
It seemed at times, he says, as though Satan himself was let loose upon me, and permitted to try my faith and patience to the utmost; but I hope the conflict had its use in teaching me to know that it is not by might, nor by power, but by the Lord's Spirit, that we are enabled to prevail.
This was the commencement of another season of spiritual poverty. In reading a few of his memoranda during this time, many a Christian traveller may see his own mourning countenance reflected as in a glass.
11 mo. 8.--I have for a long time felt so depressed in spirit, and so inwardly stripped of every appearance of good, that I have often secretly had to say with tried Job, "O that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me!"
16th.--Death and darkness are still the covering of my poor mind, and I am ashamed to acknowledge that I have for months past sat meeting after meeting a victim to the baneful consequences of wandering thoughts, scarcely being able to recollect myself so much as to ask excuse of Him who sees in secret. In these times of deepest desertion I am selfish enough to feel a longing desire for a ray of light or a smile from the countenance of Him, under whose banner I have many times sat with the greatest delight in days that are past.
O, how hard it is to regain divine favor when once sacrificed through the sorrowful act of disobedience! O may I sit as in dust and ashes, and, with the noble resignation and spirit of a true, dedicated follower, say, I will patiently hear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him!
Nevertheless, even in his times of deepest humiliation, moments of heavenly comfort were interspersed.
11 mo. 23.--A more improved meeting than I had reason to hope from cross occurrences, which are too apt to ruffle the unstable mind. Daring our silent sitting together, I was comforted in contemplating the many encouraging passages we have left on sacred record; two of which, spoken by one of large experience, were particularly solacing to my exercised feelings: "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all;" and "The young lions do lack and suffer hunger, but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing." O, thought I, if we could only procure Him on our side who has the thoughts of all men in his keeping, what should we have to fear! We should then be brought to acknowledge that it behooves a Christian traveller to crave the assistance of Him who can enable us to suffer with becoming fortitude and resignation all the afflicting dispensations of life, rather than desire to be preserved from meeting them.
The hard mutter which is the subject of the next extract embodies a difficulty that has perplexed many. It is always encouraging to find companionship in doubts and trials, and perhaps the consideration which pacified the mind of John Yeardley may be helpful to some who are tried in the same way. The passage, no doubt, has reference to his own want of better success in business.
11 mo. 30.--When any circumstance in the common course of life, which has appeared to turn up in the direction of Divine Providence, has not answered my expectation, or on deliberate consideration it has not seemed prudent for me to step into it, I have sometimes felt greatly discouraged, and been ready to conclude, How could this thing be ordered under the direction of best wisdom! But let me ever remember, He who has his way in the whirlwind knows what is best for us; and were it not for these incitements to an exercise of feeling, the mind would be apt to lie dormant, and not be preserved alive in a proper state to prove all things and hold fast that which is best.
About the end of the year he was obliged to spend several days in London on business. The course of his affairs seems to have been uneven, and the great city was probably uncongenial to his retired habits. He says:---
12 mo. 15.--I do not remember that my feelings were ever more discouraging, both inwardly and outwardly. When the mind is ruffled about the things of time, it is hard work to make any progress towards the land of peace. I try to get to the well of water; but truly it may be said I have nothing to draw with.
Yet even under these circumstances his daily religious practices--those which no competitor for the meed of peace and the crown of glory can dispense with--were not without avail.
16th.--In reading and retirement before I left my room, I received a little hope that I should be preserved in a good degree of patience through the cross occurrences of the day, which was measurably the case.
The life of a Christian is very much the history of outward and inward trials. How happy it is when these serve only to deepen his experience! The nature of John Yeardley's spiritual trials has been fully shown: his temporal crosses have also been glanced at; they consisted mainly of want of success in business, in which, indeed, he was little fitted to excel, under the keen competition of modern times.
1816. 1 mo. 4.--A new year has commenced, but the old afflictions are still continued, both inwardly and outwardly; for even in temporal affairs disappointments rage high. But O what a privilege to sink down to the anchor-hope of divine support! This is what I can feelingly acknowledge this evening to be as a brook by the way to refresh my poor and long-distressed mind. O, how ardently do I desire that this season of adversity may be sanctified to me for everlasting good, and prove the means of slaying that will in me, which has too long been opposed to the will of Him who paid the ransom for my soul with nothing less than the price of his own precious blood.
The difficulty of making his way in the commercial world increased until the risk of "failure began to stare him in the face." The fear of such a result sank him exceedingly low; but through all he was permitted to keep his footing upon the rock, and to behold a spiritual blessing under the guise of temporal adversity.
7th.--Surely it is a mark of divine favor to feel the supporting hand of my heavenly Father underneath, to bear up my drooping spirits in this time of adversity. I think I was never more sensible of his powerful arm being made bare for my deliverance; and yet, unaccountable to tell, I am almost afraid to trust in him. O, my soul, wherefore dost thou doubt, when thou feelest the glorious presence of thy Redeemer's countenance to shine upon thee?
In the meeting this morning, he continues, my mind was profitably exercised in contemplating the following subject. When our dear Lord was about to perform the miracle of feeding the multitude, he commanded them to sit down upon the grass. They were undoubtedly hungry, and this might create in them too great an anxiety to be satisfied in their own time; but that all things might be done in order, and without interruption, they were commanded to sit down and wait the disposal of their food from the bountiful hand of their great Master. In looking at the subject, I thought it a lively representation of the state of mind we ought to labor after, when favored to feel hunger and thirst after righteousness; not frustrating the design of the Most High by being too anxious to be filled in our own will and way, but patiently waiting the time of Him who giveth to all their meat in due season, and that which is most convenient for them. And what greater privilege could we desire than to be fed at the Lord's table?
9th.--As my precious wife and I were consoling each other this evening, she remarked that the dispensation we were now suffering under was probably in answer to our prayers. This brought strikingly to my remembrance a secret petition which I have frequently put up in the most fervent manner I have been capable of, when deeply lamenting my unsubjected will; I have even cried out aloud, "O make me willing; do, Lord, make me willing, make me willing!"
O then may I submit to the means, if for this end they are appointed, and resign my all, body, soul and spirit, into the hands of Him who gave them; and may I patiently endure the swelling of Jordan in a manner that will enable me to bring from the bottom, stones of everlasting memorial.
After this he was led for a while by the Good Shepherd into the green pastures and beside the still waters.
1st mo. 15.--Our Monthly Meeting at Wakefield, and a heavenly meeting it was.
29th.--I left home for a journey into the north on business. I had many precious seasons of retirement as I rode along, and I humbly trust my soul has been enabled to cultivate a more intimate acquaintance with her Beloved, in such a way as will not easily be erased from my remembrance.
Notwithstanding the deep and varied experience he had passed through, his unwillingness to expose himself as a preacher of the gospel was still strong, and sometimes obstructed the performance of his duty.
8 mo. 20.--Joseph Wood had a public meeting at Pilley. I felt something on my spirit to communicate to the people in the early part, but thinking the meeting was not sufficiently settled to receive it, I reasoned away the right time; another did not offer during the whole meeting for me to relieve my poor mind, so I brought my burden home with me, which indeed proved such as I really thought I should have sunk under.
The "severe stripes," as he terms it, which he received on this occasion at length produced a willing mind.
9 mo. 10.--I went with my dear wife to attend the burial of my cousin Joseph Watts at Woodhouse, and was at the meeting there on Fourth-day the 11th. It was largely attended by relations and friends. I felt so sensibly the danger that some present were in of trifling away the reproofs of conviction, that I could not forbear reviving the language which was proclaimed to the Prophet Jonah, when he had fled from the presence of the Lord and was fallen asleep in the ship, "What meanest thou, O sleeper, arise, call upon thy God." After commenting a little on the subject, I sat down under great solemnity which seemed to cover the meeting, and I can thankfully say the fruit of obedience was sweet to my taste.
12 mo. 1.--Went to meeting this morning with a fearful apprehension lest I should have to expose myself in that which is so contrary to my natural inclination. And so it proved; for I had not sat long, before I was made willing to express what rested weightily on my mind, and that was the case of Gideon, when the angel appeared to him under the oak as he threshed wheat. I commented a little on the subject, which afforded me great satisfaction and joy.
In the following entry, notwithstanding the tardy obedience which it records, we find his commission as one of the Lord's watchmen sealed upon his mind.
1817. 4 mo. 7. In meeting yesterday morning I was enabled publicly to relieve myself of a little matter which had been a burden on my mind for two or three meetings past, in which I had felt pretty smartly the rod which, is held over the head of the disobedient. In this instance, human nature seemed stubborn in a double degree, but after it was over I felt my peace flow as a river. Methinks I now hear this language proclaimed in the secret of my heart: I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me. O what an important charge! May I duly consider the weight of it, and so watch over my own conduct, in thought, word and action, that I may not be pulling down with one hand that which I may be endeavoring to build up with the other. If I am to be an instrument in the hand of the Almighty, may he graciously condescend to prepare and sharpen the arrows he may see meet to shoot through the medium of his poor servant, so that they may sink deep, wound the hypocrite, and comfort the pure divine life in the hearts of his children.
A few weeks after this, John Yeardley attended a remarkable meeting held by Joseph Wood, in which they were made to sit in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
4 mo. 29.--I attended another public meeting appointed by J.W. at Middletown, about ten miles from here. When I entered the town I felt very flat, and was ready to say, The fear of the Lord is not in this place; but after the meeting was gathered, I soon found what poor creatures we are, to judge of these things without waiting for best direction; for I think it was the most extraordinary time I ever knew. My friend bore a long and powerful testimony, to the tendering of many present. If I ever forget it while in my natural senses, I fear I shall be near losing my habitation the truth; for it was as if heaven opened, and the Most High poured down his blessed Spirit in an unbounded degree.
All this time his business affairs went on more and more adversely; and although he never failed punctually to meet all his money engagements, his want of success led in this year to a change of residence to Bentham.
Three months before he left Barnsley he writes:--
"Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for gold where they fine it." Pecuniary difficulties seem as if they would eat up every green thing; but I hope and trust that He who has often said, Peace, be still, will so regulate the heat of the furnace that I may be able to bear it with becoming patience, until there be nothing left in me but what resembles the pure gold fit for the Master's use. When I reflect on what my poor mind has passed through for more than two years past, I am convinced nothing short of that Arm which brought the Israelites through the Red Sea could have supported me. And O, should he ever loose my hands, that I may serve Him freely, may I never forget the many covenants made with Him who has so often heard and answered my prayer when in deep distress!
Through the assistance of some of his Barnsley friends, an offer was made to him of a situation in a flax-spinning mill at Bentham, which was then or had lately been the property of Charles Parker, a minister in the Society of Friends. He accepted the offer; and an extract from a letter to his wife, when on a journey, will show the motives under which he acted in this important step.
Hawkshead, 6 mo. 28, 1817.
MY VERY PRECIOUS DEAR,
When I wrote thee last, my time and feelings would not permit me to say much on our impending prospect of leaving Barnsley; but since then this very important subject has obtained my most serious and weighty consideration, and I am now free to communicate to thee my feelings, in order that thou mayest weigh them duly and compare them with thy own while we are separated. In the first place, in taking such a step, we must be reconciled to sacrifice our present comfortable home, our relations and friends--in short, all that may seem near and dear to us as to the outward. With respect to our spiritual prospect, I must confess, if any service is designed for me in the Church militant, I have sometimes apprehended it might be within the compass of our present Particular and Monthly Meetings; but should this be ordered otherwise in best wisdom, I trust I shall be relieved from the oppressive feeling, and in a short time see my way clear. On the other hand, if this change takes place, we have a probability of a comfortable living, and of being relieved from the extreme anxiety attendant on trade, when the whole responsibility rests on our own shoulders.
H.R. [one of the firm who had offered to employ him] seemed rather desirous for me to come. If we should agree, he wants me to go over directly to lay down plans for a few weavers' houses, and to make other arrangements to save time until we could remove.
I don't much like the situation of the house in the town, but I think another might be had if required. They have a nice one in Low Bentham, with a good garden attached, which would be at liberty in next Fifth Month; this would be a pleasant walk from the mill by the water-side all the way, which might be useful to my health after being confined in the warehouse, and much nearer to the meeting. It is a very small meeting indeed; there are only about two female Friends; but, should we be in the right place, the smallness of the number would not preclude our access to the divine spring.
I don't know how we shall come on with the thread trade, but it seems as if we were to be done out with both thread and linens, for there is scarcely any thing selling with me on this journey.
John Yeardley and his wife removed to Bentham in the Eighth Month, 1817. Bentham is a considerable village on the north-west border of Yorkshire, a few miles from the foot of Ingleborough; and it was at that time, according to the division of the county adopted by the Society of Friends, comprised in the Monthly Meeting of Settle.
After a season of deep spiritual poverty, during which he found no place for the exercise of his gift, John Yeardley began to speak in ministry in the little meeting to which he now belonged. On recording the circumstance he remarks:--
Thus does a gracious Father lead on his children step by step, baptizing them first into one state and then into another, in order to qualify them to drop a word in season for the comfort of others. Little did I think under the recent buffetings of the Enemy, that I should ever have had to open my mouth again in the way of declaring the everlasting goodness of a gracious Redeemer.
This memorandum was made a few days after the occurrence to which it refers, on his return from Settle Monthly Meeting, and is accompanied the record of a fresh unfolding to his mental eye of the need of gospel laborers, and of his own vocation to the work. In my return I had rather an unusual opening into the state of society, and the great want of laborers therein; and querying with myself, By whom shall the Lord send? I thought I felt the weight and power of the everlasting gospel upon me to preach, so that I was willing to say, Here am I; send me. O the importance of this language! May the same Spirit, which I trust raised it in my heart preserve me in every state to the end of time! Amen.
The extract which follows treats of the same subject,--the calling and exercise of the ministry. From this, and from the whole tenor of what has been extracted from the Diary, will be seen in what his ministry consisted, and what was the call and the power which was required in every successive exercise of it. May it serve as a word of caution and instruction to such as are disposed to reduce this heavenly gift to a mere effort of Christian good-will, or to consider the exercise of it as placed, whether in regard to time or subject, at the disposal of the minister. It will be observed how John Yeardley, in after life so abundant in word and doctrine, and so catholic in his ideas and sympathies, received his vocation as a divine gift immediately from above, and served in it an apprenticeship altogether spiritual, and apart from human learning or instruction.
10 mo. 26.--I have been very much instructed to-day in reading and reflecting on the 37th chapter of Ezekiel. When the prophet was asked if the dry bones could live, he was wise enough cautiously to answer, "O Lord God, thou knowest;" but when he was commanded to prophesy unto them, and say, "O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord," this was hard work, yet there was no conferring with flesh and blood. No reasoning from probabilities, nothing but an implicit faith and dependence on the divine power which was then upon him, could have enabled him to do it. O what an instructive lesson! When the poor instruments may feel so weak and the state of things so low, that there may not be the least probability of good arising, it is enough if they can only do the will of their great Master, and be enabled to say with the holy prophet, "I prophesied as the Lord commanded."
John Yeardley did not take his actual farewell of Barnsley until the end of the year. The reflections which he has recorded on leaving his home of so many years are very characteristic of the man:--
1818. 1 mo.--The Twelfth Month was spent at Barnsley in settling my affairs. Just before I left Bentham for that purpose, I was exceedingly unhappy at the idea of leaving my home, friends, &c. at Barnsley, and thought the parting feeling would be almost more than I could support. I was enabled to pray fervently to the Father of spirits, that he would be pleased to afford me strength to bear the change with Christian fortitude, and resign all to the disposal of his divine will; and thankful I am to relate, he so answered my request that I could leave the place to which I had been so long attached without a sigh. I have no doubt my removal, without consulting more of my friends, will appear strange to many. This I could never feel liberty to do; nor could I make any person living acquainted with my entire motive, but my precious wife. Whatever may be the opinion of others, this is a matter which rests between me and my God; and I often think it a favor that we are not accountable to man, who views too much the outside appearance, while He with whom we have to do looks at the heart.
After I had left Barnsley I went to Pontefract, to spend a few days with my friends there, where my poor lass had been for a week. I don't know that this time was unprofitably spent; but this I know--it never requires more care and watchfulness to be preserved in a seasonable frame of spirit than when the mind is set at ease to enjoy the company of a few intimate friends. We are too apt to get our thoughts dissipated, and thus our conversation becomes less seasoned with grace than it would be if the girdle of truth were kept tightly bound.
The next entry notices a remarkable interview which, he had with a woman Friend from America:--
15th.--This day a meeting has been held at the desire of Hannah Field from North America. I stepped down to see her at J. Stordy's; and in the few minutes we were together, before she took leave, she addressed herself to me in a very feeling manner. Although she was an entire stranger, she spoke so pointedly to my state of mind, and expressed the reward of faithfulness in such encouraging terms, that my feelings were in nowise able to resist the power which attended, but I was forced to acknowledge it as a nail fastened in a sure place.
Amongst some letters addressed by Elizabeth Yeardley to Susanna Harvey of Barnsley, is one in which mention is made of the visit of Hannah Field to Bentham; and, although the passage does not relate to the private interview described above, it is interesting as the reminiscence of a remarkable woman.
Bentham, 2 mo. 2, 1818.
We have been favored lately with a visit, unexpected but highly acceptable, from that great minister, Hannah Field, from America. She very much resembles Sarah Lamley; and when she began, it seemed as if one had been informing her of the state of the meeting. Her discourse began with the parable of the Ten Virgins, which was very beautiful but awful. Addressing herself again, she was very consolatory and affecting. She is tall and inclined to embonpoint; her age fifty-three.
In the Third Month of this year, the Monthly Meeting from which he had recently removed, that of Pontefract, recorded its approval of his ministry. It is not usual for meetings to do this in the case of one who has gone to reside elsewhere. The practice at that time was, in Yorkshire at least, in issuing a certificate of removal for a Friend who had begun to exercise the ministry and was still under probation, to notice the fact of his preaching, without pronouncing a judgment upon it. But when the usual document of removal was asked for at the Monthly Meeting, on behalf of John Yeardley, the meeting paused upon the words which noticed his offerings in the ministry, and solemnly resolved then and there to give him a full certificate as a minister in unity, and to "recommend him as such to the Quarterly Meeting." It happened that men and women Friends were together, the latter remaining whilst Joseph Wood laid a concern for some religious service before the joint meeting.
John Yeardley remarks on this act of his late Monthly Meeting:--
The concurrence of my friends with my small offerings cannot but feel comfortable and encouraging to a poor timorous creature like me; but the awful consideration of ranking among the servants who speak in the Lord's name humbles me to the dust. Surely those who are designed to minister before the Lord in his holy temple ought to bear the inscription of holiness upon them. The means by which this inscription, is obtained is so painful to flesh and blood that we are always ready to shrink from the operation. When we have borne the furnace heated to a certain degree, we are ready to fancy nothing but pure gold remains; until the refining hand sees meet to administer fresh [trials], then we are ready again to cry out, If it be thy will, let this cup pass by.