A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 09 · Chapter 26Lingua
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LINGUA apparelled in a crimson satin gown, a dressing of white roses, a little skene[168] tied in a purple scarf, a pair of white buskins[169] drawn with white ribbon, silk garters, gloves, &c. AUDITUS in a garland of bays intermingled with red and white roses upon a false hair, a cloth of silver mantle upon a pair of satin bases, wrought sleeves, buskins, gloves, &c.
LIN. Nay, good Auditus, do but hear me speak.
AUD. Lingua, thou strik'st too much upon one string, Thy tedious plain-song[170] grates my tender ears.
LIN. 'Tis plain indeed, for truth no descant needs; Una's her name, she cannot be divided.
AUD. O, but the ground[171] itself is naught, from whence Thou canst not relish out a good division: Therefore at length surcease, prove not stark-mad, Hopeless to prosecute a hapless suit: For though (perchance) thy first strains pleasing are, I dare engage mine ear the close[172] will jar.
LIN. If then your confidence esteem my cause To be so frivolous and weakly wrought, Why do you daily subtle plots devise, To stop me from the ears of common sense? Whom since our great queen Psyche hath ordain'd, For his sound wisdom, our vice-governor, To him and to his two so wise assistants, Nimble Phantastes and firm Memory, Myself and cause I humbly do commit. Let them but hear and judge; I wish no more.
AUD. Should they but know thy rash presumption, They would correct it in the sharpest sort: Good Jove! what sense hast thou to be a sense! Since from the first foundation of the world, We never were accounted more than five. Yet you, forsooth, an idle prating dame, Would fain increase the number, and upstart To our high seats, decking your babbling self With usurp'd titles of our dignity.
LIN. An idle prating dame! know, fond Auditus, Records affirm my title full as good, As his amongst the five is counted best.
AUD. Lingua, confess the truth: thou'rt wont to lie.
LIN. I say so too, therefore I do not lie. But now, spite of you all, I speak the truth. You five among us subjects tyrannise; Making the sacred name of Common Sense A cloak to cover your enormities: He bears the rule; he's judge, but judgeth still, As he's inform'd by your false evidence: So that a plaintiff cannot have access, But through your gates. He hears, but what? nought else, But what thy crafty ears to him conveys: And all he sees is by proud Visus show'd him: And what he touches is by Tactus' hand; And smells, I know, but through Olfactus' nose; Gustus begins to him whate'er he tastes: By these quaint tricks free passage hath been barr'd, That I could never equally be heard. But well, 'tis well.
AUD. Lingua, thy feeble sex Hath hitherto withheld my ready hands, That long'd to pluck that nimble instrument.
LIN. O horrible ingratitude! that thou— That thou of all the rest should'st threaten me: Who by my means conceiv'st as many tongues, As Neptune closeth lands betwixt his arms: The ancient Hebrew clad with mysteries: The learned Greek rich in fit epithets, Bless'd in the lovely marriage of pure words: The Chaldee wise, th'Arabian physical, The Roman eloquent and Tuscan grave, The braving Spanish and the smooth-tongu'd French: These precious jewels that adorn thine ears, All from my mouth's rich cabinet are stolen. How oft hast thou been chain'd unto my tongue, Hang'd at my lips, and ravish'd with my words; So that a speech fair-feather'd could not fly, But thy ear's pitfall caught it instantly? But now, O heavens!
AUD. O heavens! thou wrong'st me much, Thou wrong'st me much thus falsely to upbraid me: Had not I granted thee the use of hearing, That sharp-edged tongue whetted against her master, Those puffing lungs, those teeth, those drowsy lips, That scalding throat, those nostrils full of ire, Thy palate, proper instrument of speech, Like to the winged chanters of the wood, Uttering nought else but idle sifflements,[173] Tunes without sense, words inarticulate, Had ne'er been able t' have abus'd me thus. Words are thy children, but of my begetting.
LIN. Perfidious liar, how can I endure thee! Call'st my unspotted chastity in question? O, could I use the breath mine anger spends, I'd make thee know—
AUD. Heav'ns look on my distress, Defend me from this railing viperess! For if I stay, her words' sharp vinegar Will fret me through. Lingua, I must be gone: I hear one call me more than earnestly. [Exit AUDITUS.
LIN. May the loud cannoning of thunderbolts, Screeking of wolves, howling of tortur'd ghosts, Pursue thee still, and fill thy amaz'd ears With cold astonishment and horrid fears! O, how these senses muffle Common Sense! And more and more with pleasing objects strive To dull his judgment and pervert his will To their behests: who, were he not so wrapp'd I'the dusky clouds of their dark policies, Would never suffer right to suffer wrong. Fie, Lingua, wilt thou now degenerate? Art not a woman? dost not love revenge? Delightful speeches, sweet persuasions, I have this long time us'd to get my right. My right—that is, to make the senses six; And have both name and power with the rest. Oft have I season'd savoury periods With sugar'd words, to delude Gustus' taste, And oft embellish'd my entreative phrase With smelling flow'rs of vernant rhetoric, Limning and flashing it with various dyes, To draw proud Visus to me by the eyes; And oft perfum'd my petitory[174] style With civet-speech, t'entrap Olfactus' nose; And clad myself in silken eloquence, To allure the nicer touch of Tactus' hand. But all's become lost labour, and my cause Is still procrastinated: therefore now, Hence, ye base offspring of a broken mind, Supple entreaties and smooth flatteries: Go kiss the love-sick lips of puling gulls,[175] That 'still their brain to quench their love's disdain: Go gild the tongues of bawds and parasites; Come not within my thoughts. But thou, deceit, Break up the pleasure of my brimful breast, Enrich my mind with subtle policies. Well then, I'll go; whither? nay, what know I? And do, in faith I will, the devil knows what. What, if I set them all at variance, And so obtain to speak? it must be so. It must be so, but how? there lies the point: How? thus: tut, this device will never prove, Augment it so: 'twill be too soon descried; Or so, nor so; 'tis too-too dangerous. Pish, none of these! what, if I take this course? ha! Why, there it goes; good, good; most excellent! He that will catch eels must disturb the flood; The chicken's hatch'd, i' faith; for they are proud, And soon will take a cause of disagreement.
MENDACIO, attired in a taffeta suit of a light colour changeable, like an ordinary page.[176]
LIN. I see the heavens nurse my new-born device; For lo, my page Mendacio comes already, To file and burnish that I hammer'd out. Never in better time, Mendacio, What! hast thou done?
MEN. Done? yes, long ago.
LIN. Is't possible thou shouldst despatch so soon?
MEN. Madam, I had no sooner told Tactus that Gustus would fain speak with him, But I spied Visus, Gustus, and the rest, And serv'd them all with sauce of several lies. Now the last sense I spake with was Olfactus Who, having smelt the meaning of my message, Straight blew his nose, and quickly puff'd me hither; But in the whirlwind of his furious blast, Had not by chance a cobweb held me fast, Mendacio had been with you long ere this.
LIN. Witness this lie, Mendacio's with me now; But, sirrah, out of jesting will they come?
MEN. Yes, and it like your ladyship, presently; Here may you have me prest[177] to flatter them.
LIN. I'll flatter no such proud companions, 'Twill do no good, therefore I am determin'd To leave such baseness.
MEN. Then shall I turn and bid them stay at home?
LIN. No; for their coming hither to this grove Shall be a means to further my device. Therefore I pray thee, Mendacio, go presently; Run, you vile ape.
MEN. Whither?
LIN. What, dost thou stand?
MEN. Till I know what to do.
LIN. 'Sprecious, 'tis true, So might'st thou finely overrun thine errand. Haste to my chest.
MEN. Ay, ay.
LIN. There shalt thou find A gorgeous robe and golden coronet; Convey them hither nimbly, let none see them.
MEN. Madam, I fly, I fly. [Exit MENDACIO.
LIN. But hear you, sirrah? Lock up your fellow-servant Veritas.
MEN. I warrant you, You need not fear so long as I am with you. [He goes out, and comes in presently. What colour is the robe?
LIN. There is but one.
[MENDACIO, going, turns in haste.
MEN. The key, madam, the key.
LIN. By Juno, how forgetful Is sudden speed! Here, take it, run.
MEN. I'll be here instantly.
[Exit MENDACIO.
LINGUA sola.
LIN. Whilome this crown and gorgeous ornament Were the great prize for which five orators With the sharp weapons of their tongues contended: But all their speeches were so equal wrought And alike gracious,[178] that, if his were witty, His was as wise; the third's fair eloquence Did parallel the fourth's firm gravity; The last's good gesture kept the balance even With all the rest; so that the sharpest eye And most judicious censor could not judge, To whom the hanging victory should fall. Therefore with one consent they all agreed To offer up both crown and robe to me, As the chief patroness of their profession, Which heretofore I holily have kept, Like to a miser's gold, to look on only. But now I'll put them to a better use, And venture both, in hope to—
MEN. Have I not hied me, madam? look you here, What shall be done with these temptations?
LIN. They say a golden Ball Bred enmity betwixt three goddesses; So shall this crown be author of debate Betwixt five senses.
MEN. Where shall it be laid!
LIN. There, there, there; 'tis well; so, so, so.
MEN. A crown's a pleasing bait to look upon; The craftiest fox will hardly 'scape this trap.
LIN. Come, let us away, and leave it to the chance.
MEN. Nay, rather let me stand close hereabouts, And see the event.
LIN. Do so, and if they doubt, How it came there, feign them some pretty fable, How that some god—
MEN. Tut, tut, tut, let me alone: I that have feign'd so many hundred gods, Can easily forge some fable for the turn: Whist, madam; away, away: you fright the fowl; Tactus comes hard by, look you.
LIN. Is't he for certain?
MEN. Yes, yes, yes, 'tis he.
LIN. 'Tis he indeed.
[Exit LINGUA.
TACTUS, in a dark-coloured satin mantle over a pair of silk bases, a garland of bays, mixed with white and red roses, upon a black grogram, a falchion, wrought sleeves, buskins, &c.
MEN. Now, chaste Diana, grant my nets to hold.
TAC. The blushing[179] childhood of the cheerful morn Is almost grown a youth, and overclimbs[180] Yonder gilt eastern hills; about which time Gustus most earnestly importun'd me To meet him hereabouts, what cause I know not.
MEN. You shall do shortly, to your cost, I hope. [Aside.]
TAC. Sure by the sun it should be nine o'clock.
MEN. What, a star-gazer! will you ne'er look down? [Aside.]
TAC. Clear is the sun and blue the firmament; Methinks the heavens do smile— [TACTUS sneezeth.
MEN. At thy mishap! To look so high, and stumble in a trap. [Aside. TACTUS stumbleth at the robe and crown.
TAC. High thoughts have slipp'ry feet, I had well-nigh fallen.
MEN. Well doth he fall that riseth with a fall. [Aside.]
TAC. What's this?
MEN. O, are you taken? 'tis in vain to strive. [Aside.]
TAC. How now?
MEN. You'll be so entangled straight— [Aside.]
TAC. A crown!
MEN. That it will be hard— [Aside.]
TAC. And a robe.
MEN. To loose yourself. [Aside.]
TAC. A crown and a robe.
MEN. It had been fitter for you to have found a fool's coat and a bauble[181], eh, eh? [Aside.]
TAC. Jupiter, Jupiter, how came this here?
MEN. O sir, Jupiter is making thunder, he hears you not: here's one knows better. [Aside.]
TAC. 'Tis wondrous rich, ha! but sure it is not so, ho! Do I not sleep and dream of this good luck, ha? No, I am awake and feel it now; Whose should it be? [He takes it up.
MEN. Set up a si quis for it. [Aside.]
TAC. Mercury! all's mine own; here's none to cry half's mine.
MEN. When I am gone.
[Exit MENDACIO.
TACTUS solus.
TAC. Tactus, thy sneezing somewhat did portend. Was ever man so fortunate as I? To break his shins at such a stumbling-block! Roses and bays, pack hence[182]: this crown and robe My brows and body circles and invests; How gallantly it fits me! sure the slave Measur'd my head that wrought this coronet. They lie that say complexions cannot change: My blood's ennobled, and I am transform'd Unto the sacred temper of a king. Methinks I hear my noble parasites Styling me Caesar or great Alexander; Licking my feet, and wondering where I got This precious ointment. How my pace is mended! How princely do I speak! how sharp I threaten! Peasants, I'll curb your headstrong impudence, And make you tremble when the lion roars, Ye earth-bred worms. O, for a looking-glass! Poets will write whole volumes of this scorce[183]; Where's my attendants? Come hither, sirrah, quickly; Or by the wings of Hermes—
OLFACTUS, in a garland of bays intermingled with white and red roses upon a false hair, his sleeves wrought with flowers under a damask mantle, over a pair of silk bases; a pair of buskins drawn with ribbon, a flower in his hand.
TAC. Ay me! Olfactus comes; I call'd too soon, He'll have half part, I fear; what shall I do! Where shall I run? how shall I shift him off? [TACTUS wraps up the robe and crown, and sits upon them.
OLF. This is the time, and this the place appointed, Where Visus promis'd to confer with me. I think he's there—no, no, 'tis Tactus sure. How now? what makes you sit so nicely?
TAC. 'Tis past imagination, 'tis so indeed.
OLF. How fast his hands[184] are fixed, and how melancholy he looks! Tactus! Tactus!
TAC. For this is true, man's life is wondrous brittle.
OLF. He's mad, I think, he talks so idly. So ho, Tactus!
TAC. And many have been metamorphosed To stranger matters and more uncouth forms.
OLF. I must go nearer him; he doth not hear.
TAC. And yet methinks, I speak as I was wont; And—
OLF. Tactus, Tactus!
TAC. Olfactus, as thou lov'st me, come not near me.
OLF. Why, art thou hatching eggs? th'art afeard[185] to break them?
TAC. Touch me not, lest thou chance to break my life.
OLF. What's this under thee?
TAC. If thou meddle with me, I am utterly undone.
OLF. Why, man, what ails thee?
TAC. Let me alone, and I'll tell thee; Lately I came from fine Phantastes' house.
OLF. So I believe, for thou art very foolish.
TAC. No sooner had I parted out of doors[186], But up I held my hands before my face, To shield mine eyes from th'light's piercing beams; When I protest I saw the sun as clear Through these my palms, as through a perspective. No marvel; for when I beheld my fingers, I saw my fingers were transform'd to glass; Opening my breast, my breast was like a window, Through which I plainly did perceive my heart: In whose two concaves[187] I discern'd my thoughts Confus'dly lodged in great multitudes.
OLF. Ha, ha, ha, ha! why, this is excellent, Momus himself can find no fault with thee, Thou'dst make a passing live anatomy; And decide the question much disputed Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.
TAC. But when I had arriv'd, and set me down Viewing myself—myself, ay me! was changed, As thou now seest, to a perfect urinal.
OLF. T'a perfect urinal? O monstrous, monstrous! Art not mad to think so?
TAC. I do not think so, but I say I am so, Therefore, Olfactus, come not near, I advise you.
OLF. See the strange working of dull melancholy! Whose drossy thoughts, drying the feeble brain, Corrupts the sense, deludes the intellect, And in the soul's fair table falsely graves Whole squadrons of fantastical chimeras And thousand vain imaginations, Making some think their heads as big as horses, Some that th'are dead[188], some that th'are turn'd to wolves[189], As now it makes him think himself all glass. Tactus, dissuade thyself; thou dost but think so.
TAC. Olfactus, if thou lov'st me, get thee gone; I am an urinal, I dare not stir For fear of cracking in the bottom.
OLF. Wilt thou sit thus all day?
TAC. Unless thou help me.
OLF. Bedlam must help thee. What wouldst have me do?
TAC. Go to the city, make a case for me; Stuff it with wool, then come again and fetch me.
OLF. Ha, ha, ha! Thou'lt be laughed out of case and countenance.
TAC. I care not. So it must be, or I cannot stir.
OLF. I had best leave troubling him; he's obstinate. Urinal, I leave you, but above all things take heed Jupiter sees you not; for, if he do, he'll ne'er make water in a sieve again; thou'lt serve his turn so fit, to carry his water unto Esculapius. Farewell, Urinal, farewell. [Exit OLFACTUS.
TAC. Speak not so loud; the sound's enough to crack me. What, is he gone? I an urinal! ha, ha, ha! I protest I might have had my face washed finely if he had meant to abuse me. I an urinal! ha, ha, ha! Go to, Urinal; you have 'scaped a fair scouring. Well, I'll away, and get me to mine own house; there I'll lock up myself fast, playing the chemic, Augmenting this one crown to troops of angels, With which gold-winged messengers I mean To work great wonders, as to build and purchase; Fare daintily; tie up men's tongues and loose them; Command their lives, their goods, their liberties, And captive all the world with chains of gold. Hey, hey, tery, linkum tinkum. [He offers to go out, but comes in suddenly amazed. O Hercules! Fortune, the queen, delights to play with me, Stopping my passage with the sight of Visus: But as he makes hither, I'll make hence, There's more ways to the wood than one[190]. What, more devils to affright me? O Diabolo! Gustus comes here to vex me. So that I, poor wretch, am like A shuttlecock betwixt two battledoors. If I run there, Visus beats me to Scylla; If here, then Gustus blows me to Charybdis. Neptune hath sworn my hope shall suffer shipwreck. What shall I say? mine Urinal's too thin To bide the fury of such storms as these.
VISUS in a garland of bays, mixed with white and red roses, a light-coloured taffeta mantle striped with silver, and fringed upon green silk bases, buskins, &c. GUSTUS in the same fashion, differing only in colour. TACTUS in a corner of the stage.
VIS. Gustus, good day.
GUS. I cannot have a bad, Meeting so fair an omen as yourself.
TAC. Shall I? will't prove? ha! well, 'tis best to venture. [TACTUS puts on the robes.
GUS. Saw you not Tactus? I should speak with him.
TAC. Perchance so; a sudden lie hath best luck.
VIS. That face is his, or else mine eye's deceiv'd. Why, how now, Tactus! what, so gorgeous?
GUS. Where didst thou get these fair habiliments?
TAC. Stand back, I charge you, as you love your lives; By Styx, the first that toucheth me shall die.
VIS. I can discern no weapons. Will he kill us?
TAC. Kill you? not I, but come not near me, You had best.
VIS. Why, art thou mad?
TAC. Friends, as you love your lives, Venture not once to come within my reach.
GUS. Why dost threaten so?
TAG. I do not threaten, But in pure love advise you for the best: Dare not to touch me, but hence fly apace; Add wings unto your feet, and save your lives.
VIS. Why, what's the matter, Tactus? prythee, tell me?
TAC. If you will needs jeopard your lives so long, As hear the ground of my amazedness, Then for your better safety stand aside.
GUS. How full of ceremonies! sure he'll conjure; For such like robes magicians use to wear.
VIS. I'll see the end, though he should unlock hell, And set th'infernal hags at liberty.
TAC. How rash is man on hidden harms[191] to rush! It was my chance—O chance most miserable!— To walk that way that to Crumena leads.
GUS. You mean Cremona, a little town hard-by.
TAC. I say Crumena, called Vacua, A town which doth, and always hath belong'd, Chiefly to scholars. From Crumena walls I saw a man come stealing craftily, Apparell'd in this vesture which I wear; But, seeing me, eftsoons[192] he took his heels, And threw his garment from him all in haste, Which I perceiving to be richly wrought, Took it me up; but, good, now get you gone, Warn'd by my harms, and 'scape my misery.
VIS. I know no danger: leave these circumstances.
TAC. No sooner had I put it on my back, But suddenly mine eyes began to dim, My joints wex[193] sore, and all my body burn['d] With most intestine torture, and at length It was too evident, I had caught the plague.
VIS. The plague! away, good Gustus, let's be gone; I doubt 'tis true, now I remember me, Crumena Vacua never wants the plague.
GUS. Tactus, I'll put myself in jeopardy To pleasure thee.
TAC. No, gentle Gustus, Your absence is the only thing I wish, Lest I infect you with my company.
GUS. Farewell. [Exit GUSTUS.
VIS. I willingly would stay to do thee good.
TAC. A thousand thanks; but since I needs must die, Let it suffice, death only murders me. O, 'twould augment the dolour of my death, To know myself the most unhappy bow, Through which pale death should aim his shafts at you.
VIS. Tactus, farewell; yet die with this good hope, Thy corpse shall be interred as it ought. [Exit VISUS.
TAC. Go, make my tomb, provide my funerals; ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Excellent asses thus to be deluded, Bewail his death and cruel destinies, That lives, and laughs your fooleries to scorn. But where's my crown! O, here: I well deserve Thus to be crown'd for two great victories! Ha, ha, ha! Visus, take care my corpse be well interr'd: Go make my tomb, and write upon the stone,
Here lies the Sense that living[194] gull'd them all With a false plague and feigned urinal.
AUD. Tactus, Tactus!
TAC. O Jupiter, 'tis Auditus, all's marred, I doubt: the sly knave hears so far; but yet I'll grope him. How now, Ears[195], what make you here, ha?
AUD. Nay, what make you here, I pray? What were you talking even now of an ass, and a crown, and an urinal, and a plague?
TAC. A plague on you! what, I?
AUD. O, what you!
TAC. O, I had well-nigh forgot; nothing; but I say—
AUD. What?
TAC. That if a man (do you mark, sir?), being sick of the plague (do you see, sir?), had a, a, a—hem, hem (this cold troubles me; it makes me cough sometimes extremely)—had a French crown, sir, (you understand me?) lying by him, and (come hither, come hither), and would not bestow twopence (do you hear?) to buy an urinal (do you mark me?) to carry his water to the physician, hem!
AUD. What of all this?
TAC. I say such a one was a very ass. This was all. I use to speak to myself, when I am alone; but, Auditus, when shall we hear a new set of singing-books? Or the viols? Or the concert of instruments?
AUD. This was not all, for I heard mention of a tomb and an epitaph.
TAC. True, true, I made myself merry with this epitaph upon such a fool's tomb thus a—thus, thus: plague brought this man—foh, I have forgotten—O, thus, plague brought this man (so, so, so), unto his burial, because, because, because (hem, hem)—because he would not buy an urinal. Come, come, Auditus, shall we hear thee play the lyreway or the luteway, shall we? Or the cornet, or any music? I am greatly revived, when I hear.
AUD. Tactus, Tactus, this will not serve; I heard all. You have not found a crown, you? no, you have not!
TAC. Peace, peace, faith, peace; come hither, hark thee, Good [Auditus], now.
AUD. I cannot hold, I must needs tell.
TAC. O, do not, do not, do not; come hither. Will you be a fool?
VIS. Had he not wings upon his feet and shoulders?
MEN. Yes, yes, and a fine wand in his hand, Curiously wrapped with a pair of snakes.
TAC. Will half content you? pish, 'twill ne'er be known.
GUS. My life, 'twas Mercury.
MEN. I do not know his name; But this I'm sure, his hat had wings upon't.
VIS. Doubtless 'twas he; but say, my boy, what did he?
MEN. First I beheld him hovering in the air, And then down stooping with an hundred gyres:[196] His feet he fixed on Mount Cephalon;[197] From whence he flew and lighted on that plain, And with disdainful steps soon glided thither: Whither arrived, he suddenly unfolds A gorgeous robe and glittering ornament, And lays them all upon that hillock: This done, he wafts his wand, took wing again, And in a moment vanish'd out of sight. With that mine eyes 'gan stare, and heart grew cold, And all my quiv'ring joints with sweat bedew'd: My heels (methought) had wings as well as his, And so away I ran; but by the way I met a man, as I thought, coming thither.
GUS. What marks had he?
MEN. He had a great—what! this is he, this is he.
VIS. What, Tactus?
GUS. This was the plague vex'd him so: Tactus, your grave gapes for you; are you ready?
VIS. Since you must needs die, do as others do, Leave all your goods behind you; bequeath The crown and robe to your executors.
TAC. No such matter; I, like the Egyptian kings,[198] For the more state will be buried in them.
VIS. Come, come, deliver. [VISUS snatcheth the crown, and sees letters graven in it.
TAC. What, will you take my purse from me?
VIS. No, but a crown, that's just more than your own. Ha, what's this? 'tis a very small hand, What inscription is this?
He of the five that proves himself the best, Shall have his temples with this coronet blest.
This crown is mine, and mine this garment is; For I have always been accounted best—
TAC. Next after me—high[199] as yourself at any time: Besides, I found it first, therefore 'tis mine.
GUS. Neither of yours, but mine as much as both.
AUD. And mine the most of any of you all.
VIS. Give me it, or else—
TAC. I'll make you late repent it—
GUS. Presumptuous as you are—
AUD. Spite of your teeth—
MEN. Never till now. Ha, ha! it works apace. [Aside. Visus, I know 'tis yours; and yet methinks, Auditus, you should have some challenge to it; But that your title, Tactus, is so good, Gustus, I would swear the coronet were yours: What, will you all go brawl about a trifle? View but the pleasant coast of Microcosm, Is't not great pity to be rent with wars? Is't not a shame to stain with brinish tears The smiling cheeks of ever-cheerful peace? Is't not far better to live quietly, Than broil in fury of dissension? Give me the crown, ye shall not disagree, If I can please you. I'll play Paris' part, And, most impartial, judge the controversy.
VIS. Sauce-box! go meddle with your lady's fan, And prate not here.
MEN. I speak not for myself, But for my country's sole[200] commodity.
VIS. Sirrah, be still.
MEN. Nay, and you be so hot, the devil part you! I'll to Olfactus, and send him amongst you. O, that I were Alecto for your sakes! How liberally would I bestow my snakes! [Exit MENDACIO.
VIS. Tactus, upon thine honour, I challenge thee to meet me here, Strong as thou canst provide, in th'afternoon.
TAC. I undertake the challenge, and here's my hand, In sign thou shalt be answered.
GUS. Tactus, I'll join with thee, on this condition That, if we win, he that fought best of us Shall have the crown, the other wear the robe.
TAC. Give me your hand: I like the motion.
VIS. Auditus, shall we make our forces double Upon the same terms?
AUD. Very willingly.
VIS. Come, let's away: fear not the victory; Right's more advantage than an host of soldiers.
[Exeunt omnes.